They say life tends to happen at the most unexpected of times. I suppose I more than anyone else ought to understand this at this point.
Some things have been rather heavy on my heart as of late, and of course writing them down in this fashion tends to relieve things a bit, but now once again I write a very special entry, for a very special person. I don't particularly know why, but I suppose that doesn't really matter, does it?
This one is for you, my dear sweet Jocelynn. You, who have put up with me through so much, and yet have barely seen the half of it.
My sweet Jocey, you came into my life in the most unexpected of ways. In fact I had even come to Westmont for an entirely different purpose. We were just classmates at first, really. I was just that odd kid in the trench coat and the fedora that sat in front of you in biology. Of all the people in the classroom, somehow you caught my eye first.
I didn't really speak to you, yet every time I sat down for bio, there you were. Eventually we even got to do a group project together by mere chance it seemed. That was the first time I actually held a conversation with you. Of course you remember the random things that were said in that group, and even still kept your part of it for all this time, didn't you? I still can't help but laugh at that. It was all so silly wasn't it?
Eventually, after months of not having a youth group of my own to attend I decided to start attending the church that my parents had recently moved to and seemed to enjoy so much. Upon my arrival to my surprise, there you were again. I still remember having recognized you primarily by your characteristic camouflage cap--which always looked quite nice on you if I do say so myself, but I'm rambling again so I'll get to the point.
From youth group on we began to talk more, and I met a few of your friends. From there we had our own little group formed, something of a clique I suppose you could call it (it was high school, after all).
The more we spoke, the more attached to you I became--attracted, even--whether I knew so or not. Of course me being the young, idiotic and rather foolish lad I was at the time (and still am, in certain ways) I had gone off to do other things. Things, by the way, which I now completely and totally regret, but I digress. This entry is not about me or any of my stupid, selfish mistakes (I've already written about those). This one is about you.
Dear, sweet, loving Jocelynn. Never before have I ever met with such fairness in a woman; such unbridled beauty and kindness, the likes of which I had never experienced before. You came into my life so unexpectedly, and under my nose managed to snatch my heart away. Every moment spent with you is a treasure. From chatting together at youth group, to the summer pool parties afterward, to eating lunch in the field with your friends at Westmont, each experience with you has truly been one I shall treasure forever. Even if they are what most people would consider little things, it's those little things that I can find the most joy in with you.
Never before has being with anyone ever felt so wonderful to me, so absolutely right in every thinkable way, and never before had I ever been happier than the day you said yes to me.
We haven't done all that much together, I know, but we never really had to, so don't feel bad if all we can do is just sit around and talk. Just having you by my side has always been more than enough to make me happy--to make me forget about everything else that troubles me. With you, I can truly be at peace, and I can be the new man that I was always meant to be. With you, I can truly experience love in its purest, fairest, most wonderful form. With you, I am free.
My dear Jocelynn, you have done so much for my life without even knowing it, and for that I thank you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. I do apologize for my foolishness in the past, though. Having turned you down before for my own foolish pursuits was perhaps one of the biggest mistakes of my young life. Knowing that you've accepted me into your life anyway truly means the world to me. I suppose the past is the past, though, and you really can't change that now can you? But if changing my past would mean not being here in the wonderful position I am with you, I wouldn't want to change a thing. You're all that matters to me now.
Truly you are my greatest blessing. You have been nothing but good to me, even if I may not deserve it. You are God's gift of grace in my life, and I am forever thankful. You've watched over me all this time, even through my mistakes, and now stand by my side today as the love of my life. It is my only hope now that you remain here at my side forever.
I love you ever so much, my dear sweet Jocelynn, and I thank God for you each and every day. You've saved my life without even knowing it, and continue to do so each and every day.
And for that, I shall love you always, until my very last breath.
That is, if you'll have me of course~
~<3 Chris <3~
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