Coming up to your memorial tomorrow.
And it's hitting me harder than it has since the night you died.
I was doing so well...
Keeping my head up.
Keeping my smile.
Keeping my path through life.
I guess I slipped the last couple days.
Yesterday I came home from work.
First time in near two weeks that I went to work...
I was down.
I just buried myself in dishes.
Today I came home even more sad.
I want to call.
I want you to answer.
Tell me it was all a cruel joke.
But I know in my head it's not.
It's just a matter of getting my heart to see the truth.
But Sarah reminded me.
The cancer is gone.
The pain is gone.
You're happier now.
And you watch over me.
She told me that you'd be there like no one else can be.
That if no one else from my family can make it, I'll have you at my wedding.
I don't know, it's just not the same.
I can't show you off.
Can't introduce you.
Hell, I'm not even sure I'll be able to feel you near yet.
I guess it's part of life.
Learning how to deal with loved ones that have passed on.
Shitty part of it if you ask me.
My mom's using my origami on your memorial board.
And the picture I made of you, Grampa has it framed at the front of the church.
I guess that counts for something.
I'm still in shock, though.
I didn't mean to make him cry.
I'm not sure I've ever done anything before that to impress him.
That's what my mom said.
"He was so impressed."
I know most of my life I've been a lost sheep within our family.
There, but not.
Known, but mysterious.
I guess I just never thought anyone noticed what I've done with my time.
You're going to be there when I finally put my life together, right?
Make a man out of this assemblage of parts, traits and pieces?
It's taking a while.
No instructions, y'know...
I guess I've rambled enough for now. I need to go do some more dishes. Lot of people to feed shortly.
I love you, gramma.
· Fri Jul 12, 2013 @ 08:22pm · 0 Comments