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A recollection of a life once lived
Just random babblings of myself, who I am, who I once was, where I came from and how exactly I came to be where I am today.
...Here we go again.

Today, of all days, my dreams haunt me once again.

This one just seemed more real than any of the others though. I felt everything, and it was just so surreal...
She came to my house in my dream. I don't know why, but she just did. And when she did, I was completely stunned. Torn between breaking out in tears or blowing my gasket off at her.
She took a seat on the couch in my living room, and just opened her arms, as if to invite me to embrace her, and so I did. At that moment, I broke into tears, bawling my eyes out, not even knowing what to say at that point. But her? She seemed to feel nothing at all. She just sat there, blankly took it, and when I released her she simply got up, went upstairs to my room, and came back. Without even a single word, she left, gone once again.
When I went upstairs to see what she had done, I had noticed that she had left on my bed everything I had ever given to her. Every gift I had given her in my utmost confidence, just given back to me like that. All I could do at that point was just stand over it, looking down upon my own past at this point, weeping bitterly.

After that, I woke up, feeling as awful as ever. As usual, I couldn't sleep after that, and I doubt I'll be able to sleep at all tonight either.
Today, I feel sick. The anxiety has gotten bad enough that I literally feel physically ill, and as a result I am confined to my room for today. Although I suppose that isn't such a bad thing honestly. I didn't really want any social interactions today anyway.
I'll likely just stay here today, writing, hoping, wishing...On this day of all days, I feel completely hopeless.

I'm a wreck, and I hope you're happy.





 
 
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