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Project Silas Day to day life/choices/concerns/thoughts/ect. on my journey to sanity.
Why Does This Hurt?
So todays post is easy...probably wont be long due to how I am feeling, but very very easy.

I have been staying at my parents for a few days with my boyfriend while we prepare to move into our apartment and he works (his work was very far from where we were staying so my parents agreed to put up with us for a few days while he is working). So that sets the stage...

I am staying in my old room so most of my old things are there...including the first flowers I was ever given...yes they were from my ex...but he wasnt just any ex...he was my best friend for many years...and we dated for 3 years engaged for almost one full year before I left him. We had our complications but part of me still and always will love him. I kept the flowers he gave me and dried them. I used to have them all but little by little they broke or my old chinchilla pet ate them...and it left just one that for some odd reason I had to hold on to.

We are over...I am beyond happy now but something about that damn dried flower held memories that could never be replaced...it was our first valentines day together...and my first valentines day ever that I had received flowers of any kind...they were so special to me...and even though we didnt work out and were no longer together when I looked at them it made me smile..and remember the good points of our relationship..and how I miss him in ways.

My mother came in this morning bitching at me as usual and immediately started going through my things...and the first thing she took was some paper that was laying on a table and threw it out then started frantic cleaning..and took my rose...my last dried rose...and crushed it up..and threw it away saying it was stupid to keep that I can get flowers again at any time and that It was going to cause my room to get dusty and moldy....

I cry every time I think of it off and on today...not sure why this hurts so much...its like my last positive memory of my past was just destroyed...

I know its just an object...but I am very connected to the energy objects tend to hold over time. I also store my memories in things better than in my own head because i tend to block things. So a memory is so much clearer for me when I hold something that took part in it, or have some sensory connection to the moment like a scent, feel, or sound...so the ,loss of this rose...may seem stupid to some...but to me its like someone took a puzzle piece out of that year for me...

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Carpe Omnios

"quote me to
insure response..."

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