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Project Silas Day to day life/choices/concerns/thoughts/ect. on my journey to sanity.
That Feeling When Nothing Interests You...
So I didnt post yesterday due to it being the 4th of july and my boyfriend finally had off work so I said screw it im spending my day with him 100% undivided. I may decide to post two journals today depending on my mood or if I have something I need to discuss or not but for now just this one will do.

Another stream of consciousness I guess (because thats how I prefer to vent/post)...

So I used to have those things called hobbies/interests you know? I still have things I guess I like if I had to pick something...and or If someone asked...but over all I really dont want to do anything anymore. I just feel super depressed day in and day out, sprinkled with just a hint of really paranoid.

I used to love drawing, playing videogames, being outside, travel, and going to conventions along with other things...but now...I dont want to do anything but sleep...cuddle...and chat online. and sometimes I dont even want to chat online...I just lurk....which is rather creepy and counter productive if you ask me...

maybe im depressed because I need to try new things...or get a job some say..but hell I still do try new things, and my nice to people personality hasnt changed much..but I just have a lack of interest and hollow feeling about everything. Like im a tiny alien inside a huge robot body programming all my own emotions actions and thoughts...its just bleh..and im getting tired of feeling utterly and completely blank...

along with this...I feel like my lack of friends in real life is killing me. I miss my friends horribly..they all moved...very very far away..either to be with work...partners...or family..but never the less no one is close anymore....just me and my boyfriend..but he works full time as a truck driver and has the worst of hours so it just pretty much leaves me...alone...all the time. This allows my brain to make stuff up and worry myself further..and I am completely trapped in this colorless boring cocoon of worry and sadness...it sucks...a lot...I want to get out some days..but I fear when I do the world is out to get me...or im going to die....like my life is some sort of satire version of Final Destination or whatever..its just a shitty way to feel....I used to make myself go to the mall to walk a lap once a week to get used to being around the general public or people who may make me uncomfortable..but I am at the point to where I cant do that...because id have to do it alone..and im NOT anywhere close to feeling up for that...I dont event want to drive...bleh...

im going nowhere with this...rant end...

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Carpe Omnios

"quote me to
insure response..."

User Comments: [2]
Community Member

Sat Jul 06, 2013 @ 06:04pm

Might be time for a vacation. Sounds like you need a touch with the outside world. Perhaps you could play a board game at a trading card place. Your not a robot, you need to socialize, perhaps not with alot of people, but with others.

Community Member

Sat Jul 06, 2013 @ 06:43pm

yeah isnt that the truth. i could use a vacation for sure. i have been going through a lot this past year and i just feel dead...

yeab tried all that other stuff though board games n card games are just as bleh or even more so than anything else...i just need a change of scenery i hate where i am right now

User Comments: [2]
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