I'll just mention, since I know something may turn up at some point, that for around a week I've developed this forum persona known as Therapist Hawk Man, in which I "role-play" myself talking as a hopeless superhero who talks in the third person and craftily maneuvers his Therapist Goggles in order to watch the people, observing from a distance, because he's just a lone therapist that thinks he could save everyone from their problems.
The persona started on what I think was (since it usually happens like this) a tired, stressful day in which I wasn't able to sleep again. When I'm tired, my mind does what I believe it should do constantly; a level of magnitude which brings me to that definition of perfect understanding. It started as a simple post in an "Enlightenment" thread about homosexual message. I put this line as the top note, to bring forth the image I was trying to create:
*Puts on Therapist Goggles*
There was a reason for this; the "enlightenment" and "transcendence" I was capable of achieving through "self-therapy". The self-therapy method I used was role-playing with myself as both myself and a generic-level therapist, asking myself questions in what I viewed as standard therapist lingo. It lead to many realizations of myself, including why I thought they were ridiculous without "goggles", and why they were ridiculous with them. It also helped me realize exactly why I know they help, but also don't help.
The "goggles" were meant as an image to portray a question as to both why a therapist would be wearing goggles and why one felt it was strange for a therapist to be wearing them. Would you listen to someone who looks like a perceived "joke" and looks like he's just plain out of his mind, or was the purpose of the goggles meant to view a therapist as less threatening than one perceives them to be, creating a more friendly environment? There are more questions in relativity to what the motive could be.
The next thing I did was during another "Therapist" writing. I was writing down a line with the phrase, "...watching you like a hawk". I then changed it to, "...watching you, like Hawk Man". (I'm not sure if the beginning was "They're" or "I'm" watching you. I could check since it's recent in my post history, but meh; maybe later.) This of course lead to something I've done previously which was talk in the third person. I did this because I described the motive behind why someone would kill themselves or someone else in a thread a few months ago, but I was referring to what goes through my head, even though I was saying "they". It may have been in a thread about how the media causes more murders from the constant coverage of the killers instead of the victims.
I then decided to go to the Gaia Marketplace and looked up the word "hawk". it brought me to exactly the type of wing item I was looking for to portray this character. The item at the time was 7100 gold, so I decided to search around and found the rest of the colors of that item, and the gold-colored ones I'm currently using were the cheapest at 6000 gold, and I thought they looked the best in comparison to actual brown "hawk" color and most of the other ones. So, I got that, and put on the Syaoran's Goggles that I've always had since that announcement/event-thing years ago and noticed that they went nicely with the avatar and wondered why I didn't use them before.
The story which is in the top is how my life is. I sometimes feel like a superhero in what I try to accomplish, I've saved what little sanity I have left through a notion of a questionable therapist, talking to himself, but I will always feel, no matter what I say, helpless in practically everything that happens to me or anyone else and that I cannot save anyone. I've always just been, as have my choice of "Achievements" on this site, an "invisible", "always watching", "everyday appearing" guy with the "Title" of an overly "welcoming cultist", flying high above the clouds who refuses to come back down to earth, viewing the world through vision-impairing goggles so everything looks better than what it is. Of course, I know that whether I type in a serious manner or as Hawk Man, that I'm still only going to get selective people on my side as always.
Oh, and my imaginary, sexy boyfriend standing next to me on my avatar is now known as Psychologist Toad Man. He likes to be nude, and I like that he's nude.
Hawk Man out.
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