Sighing, I avoid yet again, making a decision on what to eat for dinner. More and more often I lack the appetite to eat with anyone, let alone, myself. I know he would tell me not to blame myself for what happened to us, but I do anyway. it's my fault, and there's no changing my mind. Heh, he'd probably get mad at me if he knew just how much I've stopped doing since we stopped talking, but that's life, and that's love. Though what would a sixteen ear-old girl say to her mother when she's learned about true love so early? There's no denying it, I'm in love. The kind o love where you wish to spend your life with that person. Yet I'm only a sixteen year-old in a complicated high school life.
Not many of my friends don't know what I feel about him, as I've talked about him constantly, wearing the cloths he left me to school. I use his sweater for a blanket a lot, and often as a pillow too. His hat is cool, and though I don't wear it often, I do like to show it off occasionally. Mother and her boyfriend don't really like the idea of me hanging on. Though neither does the rest of the family. Not that I'll let that put me down.
No. I'm way to busy trying to mask my pain and hurt to everyone around me. I'm too busy with trying to make sure they don't notice what really lies within my heart so they don't worry. If they know what's going on, not only will they ask me about it every day, it ill bring me to tears so often they I'll lose hope in everything I have left. Bringing myself back to the current situation after relaying my thoughts yet again, I decide to read some Harvest Moon fanfics on a site I love, along with listening to The Mix on the computer.
I don't really have much else to do, considering I'm just sitting at the desk, feeling like my insides are being torn yet again. A few of my guy friends are trying their best to cheer me up, along with the one who has taken a liking to me. He says he's to shy to say the question he wants to ask, but I'm not sure I could give him an answer even if he did.
I don't love him, but I do like him. Which kind of scares me. Not only am I nervous around guys who are more than a foot taller than me, it scares my that my feelings for whom is nicknamed Birdy, are dying slowly. I don't want to give in to the pain, but letting Shadow cheer me up and bring me out of the dark, is scaring me. Who I want to be with truly, is Birdy. I love him. And all I want, is to hear from him again soon.
To hear from him. To see him. To touch- to embrace him and hold him close. Never letting go and making sure I tell him my feelings from my fears, to my hopes and dreams. I don't care how silly I will sound, but he's the only one who accepted me in the deepest ways. I want to hear his voice, for him to tell me how he loves me. And I want to answer him with as many poems I can write without crippling myself.