soracious wonk
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msg sugar
what's up? gaia's peak traffic was back in 2010. i just noticed when i checked the forums stats.

don't feel like writing these days. summer lethargy? possibly the opposite. too many things to do.

i just spent this week's food money budget on watercolor paper and thread and things. i'm finally gonna get rid of all this extra fleece and polyester filling i've accumulated from random idiot impulse art projects, but before i could even start that i came back from the exhausting sat class nyc college trip 2013--

woke up at 3 am, came back at 11 pm. ******** man. at least i didn't get too lost! and while one tour guide ditched, my best friend/ex came through as usual and it was great seeing her. i used to hate her because she was always so busy with other people and i am really possessive

but i've made my peace. i guess i realized that there are people who love me and text me and i don't answer them right away too, you know? not cuz i hate them, or don't love them to the ends of the earth, but cuz i'm busy with life things like all the hw and mundane errands

i still love them.

i realize that you can love someone without being with them all the time and that's ok. i finally get that. i was so wrong.

there also is a happiness that comes from protecting other people. smilies/icon_wink.gif i really like looking out for the students in my class. i don't know. i'm getting old man. just wanna settle down somewhere you know. raise a kid.

jk.

i got an eminem album but i haven't been brave enough to listen just cuz the things he says hurt. i don't know how he can say half the things he does. i mean, i'm all for free speech, so go him. i just could never do it.

a friend i made the other day, we were walking to center city on a whim at night--i would've never done that on my own--he was talking about how he hung out with his friends sometimes til 5 am and they'd just wander around the city and he found a brothel in chinatown across the street from this restaurant i ate at once.

and i went to chinatown the other day and it looked like an ordinary building. a tall, locked gate.

but that's not the point. he tried to sneak onto the roof of huntsman, and they were almost there but the security guard caught them, and he wants to climb to his elementary school roof, and the statue in front of the art museum, and his friends and he went running in the middle of the street at night as the cars were honking by and he said it was great

and i said, wow. i feel really boring.

cuz i wouldn't do any of those things. i kind of don't want to get into trouble.

uh. also my coworker, i think he knows i have this crush on him. it's really awkward. i wonder if i am that transparent. but my best friend, she sends me copies of convos with this boy she's flirting with and i can tell by the way she talks to him that she likes him. it's obvious to me, even if she says she doesn't like him really.

they're going on a date this monday and i'm really happy for her.

but it's like, my coworker has only met her twice in his life, and they get along so easily but i've known him two years and i guess cuz i've never spoken frankly about anything ever i'm not so easy to be with.

but i realize that people don't avoid me, i just push them away by being super vague. you know that guy i met, i laughed cuz he said i always looked super social.

also my coworker took creeper pictures of kids sleeping and me sleeping and i liked them on facebook so they would look less creepy you know nothing as creepy as an unliked sleeping photo but liking the photos propelled them to the top of the feed and like ******** lol

now it just shows that i liked a bunch of photos of kids sleeping. those are the only photos i liked. internets problems. lolk.