The Lady Desire
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Scared
I have a history of anorexia. I really thought I had put it all behind me but apparently not.. I didn't really even notice until just now. I have only consumed 142 calories today and a multi-vitamin. I know it isn't good for me. And I know I am slipping again but do I really want to catch myself? I could use some weight off everything I've gained lately. I'm not sure yet. If it gets as bad as it was before... I am going to need help. We'll see.
I wonder if Hallie will notice. She usually notices everything but shes so busy lately who knows. I hope she doesn't. I don't want her to be ashamed of me. I stopped on my own before... maybe I can do it again this time? A little relapse never hurt me. I cut a few times here and there but it doesn't consume my whole life anymore. I am off oxy and am really careful even with my miagrane medications... who knows, I will need to have a lot of self-awareness to keep from getting into a dangerous place again. I wish I had a guardian angel to make it all better.