I did chemo for the first time today.
It was a lot more intense then I originally expected.
I feel incredibly sick, and when the drugs were going inside me I felt hot.
The heat from the radiation burned my throat and my chest.
It was very painful.
My skin was sensitive for awhile.
When I got home all I did was lay on my floor and sleep for the past two hours.
Now it's five o'clock.
I dreamed about Alejandra, and somebody's kid we found.
She wanted to raise him, and I didn't.
Eventually I couldn't resist her and we raised him.
He really loved me.
Alejandra was a little jealous.
The three of us and Jessie watched some movie that was amazing.
I don't remember the plot but at the end an Angel statue cries blood.
There is also an tornado and the clouds part and s**t.
The movie was 3-D so it was really amazing.
It made me happy to have a family that cared.
I'm still pissing red from the drugs.
It's kinda cool.
I feel hungry too, but I know if I eat I'm just going to vomit it back up.
Thinking about this dream makes me hate being single.
It's not that I just want to pour my heart out on someone or something.
It's just this specific lady that I can't seem to get over.
I feel worse than s**t right now.
My throat is killing me, and my chest is throbbing.
It's so much pain in one.
I honestly don't want to go next Monday.
I can't really compare the pain to anything else I've experienced.
These are new painful memories that probably wont fade.
I'm biting my nails more than usual.
I'm overusing painkillers for a reason now.
My body is starting to hurt again so I'm done for now..
I'm finally experiencing something new at least...
Optimism...