An epic of time wasted. You and I, me and her, those people and I, this dream, that dream, this plan that was destined to burn to the ground before it began... why am I wasting my life? I don't belong here. I have never felt like I belonged somewhere... not at home, not at school, not anywhere. No matter how many friends I have, no matter how much I love some of my family members, I don't feel like I belong. Maybe because of my father, I don't know... but, if I don't belong here, then where do I belong? I know a certain person who, if they were reading this, they would comment below "Don't worry, one day you'll find your place. There's a place for everyone, you need to stay strong until you find it!"
Well... guess what? To all of the people who say things like that, have your hearts ever been broken? Did you ever stop and take a look at the real world? I hate the real world, but we all live in it. I don't care what a random teenager in middle school you think you are, you live in the real world like everyone else. Out of all these people... some of them never find their place. Some of them never find happiness. Some of them never find that one girl... some of them never even know how beautiful life can be, because they die without ever being happy. I know what would make me happy, but it eludes me. I worry every day if I will one day find it? It's possible I'll never have it...
I dream of leaving the place I currently live in, and going somewhere far away, to a new place. But... what if I leave the family and friends I have now, and I go somewhere where I have no one? I love all my friends, of course, but they're related to the place I dream of leaving... it's rough. I plan on burning my bridges down when I leave.
All this time... all these people... all the plans and things I spent SO much time and life building up, I've watched them come crashing down before my eyes, over and over and over, again and again and again, prayers not withstanding. So, what am I? Who am I? Will I eventually get to decide that? Where will I go? A better place? Or, will I use my whole life building things that fall to the ground after spending way too much time and life to build them? Am I chained down right now, and am I worried for no reason? Maybe I'll break free and my dreams will come true?
Or maybe I'll never have anything more in my life than self preservation, and I'll die alone... lost causes, time wasted.
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