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The Inner Workings of Onesself
Lots of randomness & meaningful stuff about moi, the one & only Kari-chan.
This helps to explain previous posts
I posted this to truthaboutdeception.com's compulsive lying message board. It goes into detail about some of the lies I referred to in previous posts that he's told me over our 1 year 7 month relationship that ended as of May10th this year. The post about my abortion procedure was also posted in response to another persons blog about her experience though I don't remember the website. And no criticisms & negative flaming commentary on it, what's done is done. I have a right to a choice that was taken from me to begin with when he did what he did to wind me up pregnant as much as that nameless-faceless fetus I felt no attachment to had a 'right to life' as you pro-lifers say it.

Nothing you say changes the past so you might as well take the old adage, "if you have nothing nice to say/contribute don't say anything at all", to heart. Thanks very much.

The topic was: "Is lying ruining your relationship?"

"Ruining or ruined? Probably both in my case as we broke up once and kinda got back together (I say that because technically we can't be considered together when my requirement for doing such- getting counseling- was ignored then twisted against me). He's supposedly still my fiancée currently but I'm no longer planning a wedding or looking at dresses, i'm no longer even thinking about marriage.

I don't know how long he's been lying to me or how often, but I'm assuming all the time since we first met. I'm to the point I don't believe anything he says I nod & say "uh-huh" in agreement to avoid arguments as trying to confront him once or twice yielded nothing, he seriously believes himself. At first I believed everything he said, clung to his every word, as he's more educated & older, & I looked to him to learn from. But slowly some things he told me didn't make sense with other things he told me or others. His stories steadily changed from one person to the next, for example he's told 2 mutual friends a different story from the 3-4 he's told me about how he acquired his now abandoned cat. And that's just 2 out of the many mutual friends we used to share, I'm 100% positive they've all heard a different version of the 4 he's told me.

At first I didn't pay special attention to these details, but I did file them away somewhere in my memory because when I had the "ah-ha" moment of finally realizing & accepting that something wasn't quite right those small details & moments came together. For instance after we got together, I believe it was early March or April it was still a bit chilly out at night, his friend had surgery a day or two before his birthday. The night of his birthday he went to the bar & drank heavily for a few hours with hospital grade drugs still in his system. We got there around 8, but he was tipsy as hell & his girlfriend had to help him to the bathroom as he was on crutches. She was concerned, his ex-roommate (also a friend of my fiancée) was concerned, & the other people I assumed were friends of theirs were also concerned he'd overdid it a little with his surgery & all. They all thought he should go home for the night & wind down, my fiancées bright idea however was that they should go back to his apartment, I shared this place with him but still had my own place, and smoke weed!

Everyone told him he shouldn't & told her not to let him go. She asked him if he wanted to go because she wasn't his boss & didn't want to be accused of being a controlling b***h making decisions for him. The friend clearly slurred "no" that he wanted to go home (shaking his head) & when she told my fiancée he blew up at her, called her a controlling b***h, accused her of making up the decision for him, challenged her for no reason over weed helping people to not throw up etc. He was basically throwing a temper tantrum like a 5 year old similar to the ones his nephew throws & the ones he claims his sister threw when she was younger (it's a pattern for a reason think mother). Everyone else, including myself, told him she didn't make it up that he'd just slurred "no" when he ran off to the bathroom or to get another huge drink for him he says "whatever you're all a bunch of pussies", grabs me, storms out the bar, then speeds out the parking lot back home. I couldn't believe he was acting so childish but I stupidly stayed with him.

The significance of this example is that later when we got into a fight over me accusedly being drunk in that same bar & I mentioned that he had no complaints of the friend getting that drunk with hospital grade drugs in his system & treated his girlfriend terribly when she was trying to protect him, he claimed all the friends agreed with HIM including birthday boy! He claimed the friend was later upset with her for not 'letting' him go smoke weed & broke up with her because she was a controlling b***h. Now get this he's currently living with a girl, my fiancée claimed was a new girlfriend during this fight not the same one that night, & her son that is not his (also his claim)....the two got engaged this February. So do the math of common sense if it's not the same girl how does he meet & decide to marry a girl with a child from a previous relationship in less than a years worth of time?!

There's also lies concerning his ex-wife, the wife he didn't tell me about until after the first night we were together, & who now has a restraining order against him after he came to her house twice uninvited & sent sexually explicit images of her to her friend or boyfriend. He also showed me these pictures uninvited I was less than impressed I was rather unnerved asking why he was showing me I didn't want to see them. Lies about friends some of whom have stood up to clear their names others purposefully ignoring me & not caring to rebuttal his accusations against them. It's become a very stressful and unhappy situation even though we started seeing a counselor. I don't think it's going to help as the very first appointment he refused to acknowledge his actions & instead pointed the blaming finger at me as being the reason we were there.

I'm seriously starting to hate him mental disorder or not he knows what he's doing wrong he's not completely out of it he's just a sociopath who doesn't care who he hurts just like his criminal father serving 2 life sentences in federal prison!"

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