Dear Dedicated Readers,
What do you honestly get out of reading my inner thoughts? Have you ever asked yourself why you follow me?
It has been approximately a month since I got out of the ward and I miss it nearly every day. I still get the brief flashes of who I was and the ideation. While they are far and few between, it is unsettling because it shows me that even with medication, nothing makes everything all better again. There is no solution that can completely fix me. The only thing I can do is learn to be better and fight those thoughts in a more healthy way. It is my mind so I will be with it for a lifetime. It is a matter or wanting to be better over the matter of the thoughts happening. It is the power of my will that makes me feel better and achieve a higher life.
Updates to my life: Josh and I broke up. He thinks we have nothing in common but the sexual side of things. I was all like "eh" I kinda figured something was up since he didn't message me after we did the ole' hanky panky. We've been hanging out with Liz and Jon for a while and she's going to Reno for school this week, which is sad because I would have been a great going out partner. We also met one of LIz's friends Michael and I kinda blurred the lines between friendship there. I'm free to decide what to do with it, so he said, but I don't want to think about it right now. When I got back from the ward I finished everything but the school issue and last night we started on that. Today I am supposed to go in to the school to get it really all settled. Ugh. All of the talk of being so sure what people want to do sends me back into my anxiety shell. I'm just not sure right now in my life. I cannot devote myself and be alike all those little machine students propelling themselves towards a single target or major.
I started writing a bit of Limboland out... I might ... maybe might write more and keep going. I didn't get to chapter one yet but I think it would be cool if I did get there. I was going to write the rules of the lands at the top of each chapter. Pretty cool neh?
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