Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals


View User's Journal

Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
Journal Needed
Today I felt melancholy. I felt like I was filled with those indigo blue paints from your childhood. You want to stick your hands in and smear it across a page. Blue. I felt thick and blue. I still feel it, drawing out an inner anxiety within me.

I know washing the dishes will help but I want it to be a private thing. I want everyone to leave me alone. I want them all to go away.

Calling my Aunt after dinner helped. The dinner I made was so heartily accepted that there wasn't even enough for me, the chef. I had leftover lasagna instead ; m ; I wanted some of my fried rice and chicken. I wanted to see how spicy it was. Oh well... I'll make a sandwich with the leftovers tomorrow.

I am not looking forward to work tomorrow. I know they will keep a close eye on me and that I will have a lot more work than last time. I don't like that store. I don't like those people. I don't, don't, don't. Know what would cheer me up a bit? Hearing back from my boi.

I went down there yesterday and we had sex. It was much better than any other time I had tried to have sex. He was definitely a different build that I'd ever seen before. I've seen different colors and lengths but not girths. I've also seen the uncircumcised and circumcised so no big surprises there. I ain't too shy to talk about this stuff. I think I've even talked about it with my brother and mother. My Dad gets a little more shy around this stuff than anyone else in the family. I digress, it was different with Josh because I wanted HIM. He still gave me that electric buzz, as I had hoped, and I make him shake. It's adorable. He was a considerate lover but I was crap. He doesn't know that I've only had one other sexual experience ( other than my first time cause I don't count that really ). I was so bad in bed that I was scared of being a fish, just laying there while he did all the work. I am terrified that I why he hasn't contacted me.

I also wonder... if he accidentally said that he loved me? After we were done, he pulled me in to cuddle. I've never done that before and honestly, I can see why so many people do it. It was.... very tender. Lulz my alarm kept going off and he tried to keep me from going. When I finally got up ( fifteen minutes later ) he said something while buried in my chest. I don't know if I am editing my memory or it really happened. All I know is that he hasn't contacted me since and he is going to be away for a month. I miss him already, but I don't know what our relationship is so I fear getting too clingy. I figure affection is good but don't be too obviously into him so that you chase him away. I don't really know... it all confuses and frustrates me. I just want him to be that great guy that he should be to me... even long distance.

Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games

Customize your own avatar now!

Join Now

Have an account? Login Now!