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Where Is My Mind? (It's on this)
Yep. My Journal. On gaia. About my ways and such.- []-
Breaking Shells with my Teeth
Without realizing it, I clench my teeth.
When I'm mad, sad, anxious, or even spacing out.
That habit is a condition though..there's always a condition.
Its called Bruxism, and it gave me TMJ.
Or better sounding, Tempromandibular Jaw Dysfuntion.
My Jaw is uneven, it dissassociates from its proper place, to the left.
My jaw could clamp shut one day, but I can't stop.
There's a time when people don't have to care, then there's the time where people have to, and then there's a time where people just do.
I just do, about everything.
I also worry a lot, that's condition number 2.
Shyness as well.
And other stuff..
I'm not bugged as much as I am annoyed.
I could go on and on, but I feel as though I've said this before.
Just in a more whinier tone.
I hate how I'm feeling right now.
Ugghh..discreet..
I got hurt..and I don't have enough bandaids left..
"Oh..come one. Why are you crying?"
"Please tell me what's wrong."
"Please stop."
"Why are you acting like this?"
"Why would you do that?
"I'm sorry."
"I only came for you."
"I always lose."
"I'm such a loser."
"I'll treat her like a blanket of diamonds."
"I wanted to see you."
"Won't they get mad?"
"She looks sad."
"Shouldn't you go with her?"
"I apologize."
"I can't be around you."
"Don't do that."
"You're disgusting."
"I hate your guts."
"Please stop."
"Stop it."
"Stop."
"I cant do anything for you."
"I shouldn't be here."
"You should get away from me now."
"You should leave."
"Walk away."
"Go away."
"Away."
"Stop"

Oh yeah, there are more and more voices talking lately.
They don't stop unless I listen to something louder.
That voice wasn't mine..I don't mean that in a "its-mine-but-not-really" way.
It really isn't.
I haven't had an anxiety attack this bad in a while.
I'm hiding in the bathroom.
Sorry.
Close to crying but not really there.
"Stop crying"
"Was it me?"
"Its all my fault."
"I'm sorry."
Sorry..once again, not me.
Just what I'm hearing.
Oh..
I'm crying. Like a baby..well, silently.
I hate my face when I cry..I hate how I shake..
I hate that feeling in my throat.
Damn.
When I cry, my chest gets red too.
Its hard to read what I'm texting, since this is on my phone..
I can't do this..
Cry..think about what I'd like to do next..
I should just sleep..sneak onto my bed and sleep.
I almost ate my thumb today..just kidding.
I was just think about things too fast..
It was either that or bite my lips..
Should've been my lips..its not like I kiss people..
I bite my toungue regularly.
And cheek.
I could fall asleep staring at my reflection..into my own eyes..
Red and all..
Oh yeah, that splinter left a scab, so I picked and picked, but it just opened more skin..
I'm keeping multiple promises, even the ones people forgot about.
There's a scratch, no wait..4..
Damn.
But no one should've seen.
So why?
Why?
What am I listening to?
Who are these noises?
The tears on my face dried.
How ugly..
I shouldn't see..
Blind..
I also clench my teeth when I cry.
And I can't yawn properly..
But I should definitely run away, by going to sleep.
I think I'm gonna be sick..
Probably not..
I hate crying..
But I do it so much..
I also hate apologizing, but I constantly am..
Apologetic.
That's it for now, otherwise I'll just go on.
I think I've been letting myself too open.
I can't hide expressions anymore.





 
 
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