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Venting/Frustrations/Life/Depression
I used to use this from lyrics and stupid things, but now all I know is that i can use it for my frustrations, since I can't really trust anyone. Why not just pull up a chair and sit on it? I don't mind people reading my life. Go for it.
Irritating Life Problems..
As nice as I once thought this day was, since it's so nice outside, the beautifulness lost it's color. Well, for one, it's windy. For two, people want to piss me off when I didn't do anything, and if I did, it was probably on accident or something.
First off, today started well. It was my usual day; I rush to get ready, throw some clothes on, slap some make up on, grab my backpack and speedwalk (I always almost bump into my mom's car). I go to the bus stop, go to school. and have a nice day. One thing that ticked me off was today in 5th period, it was our last day of dressing out. (PE). So we played one last game of dodgeball. Yesterday, I hit two people on the head. Apparently, it was funny! But today, I hit someone on the face on accident. I am terrible at sports, and terrible with throwing dodgeballs. Why? My arm coordination doesn't match up with my eyes, so I end up throwing too far than I should, or it just doesn't even look like I'm aiming at where I wanted too. So, I hit this one chick on the face. I laughed, obviously, but she should know that I was sorry.
Wanna know what she said?
"Sit your a** down, that ******** hurt."
I heard that this chick was nice. But why does she have to be so rude? And other chicks were cheating through-out the game, which also pissed me off. Like, why you gotta win so bad? There's no reward.
Afterwards, we were waiting to leave, and the same girl that I hit the in the face with, SHOVES me forcefully. I pushed against my friend, and I think she just plainly hates me.
Did she always act like this? I don't even know, but I am mature enough to not start anything. I kept quiet, because, well, I don't even know how to fight or how to make good comebacks. So, yeah.
I come home, my dad opens the door for me at the same time that I opened it. Apparently, they were waiting for me to leave. We were going to get some Mexican food. When we did, we were happy. We spent $30 on Mexican food. LOLOL
But when we came home, my mom wanted to know where her car was. She thought my dad moved it.
To explain this part, we have certain parking spots in our area. We have one-garages, and there would be this one place across that would have at least 5-6 parking spaces for other's to put their cars.
My dad didn't move it, and he thought my mom did. Then my mom automatically thought of it towed, and the happiness of the family mood just died.
She called, and they said that they did tow it, and we need to ay $245 to get it back.
Wanna know WHY i'm so frustrated now?
We have over $4000 in hospital bills to pay because we don't have insurance.
We still need to buy more toothpaste, and mouthwash, and bodywash, and shampoo.
We need to buy groceries every month (5 member family) which adds up to over $100.
And $300 went to a casino, and we have no money to borrow, or pay for the bills.
Now tell me, if you were in my position, and you were only 15 and a half years old, with no permit, and not so many friends that you can trust in your area, and you have 2 sisters, a gambling mom, and a dad that only earns a few bucks every hour since he's a taxi cab driver, what would you do?
I'm basically describing my whole life problem here, but if you ask me,
I would rather go to a shelter with my parents than to see them suffer to make more money.

Also, last night, I was scared to sleep.
I couldn't sleep. Which was strange. I even tried to sleep with my music on, it didn't help. I did take a 3 hour nap before, but when I close my eyes, demons and scary crap appears. Even tragic events.
For example; I dreamt of waking up with a bunch of poisonous bugs all over my body, and i was screaming like a mad man running everywhere and i banged on my dad's door, and a bug got caught in my throat, and someone had to do the Heimlich maneuver on me, and make me cough it out.

Another would be me just waking up because I wanted to sleep with some company, because I was too scared to sleep alone. My dad didn't answer his door, and my mom isn't home at night. Then it just flashed forward to me lying on the ground, unable to see or hear, and I'm just freaking out because I don't know if my dad woke up yet, or if he even heard me.

I ended up crying for the second one. I cried a lot.

Depression came, insomnia maybe, stress may also come, money problems, I have yet to hang with my friends and not sound like anythings going on.
The only way I don't keep it all bottled up is because of this very journal.

I need help...





 
 
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