So, this morning I woke up with a better perspective on things. Some things, anyway.
Momma.... I still can't make sense of your death. I doubt I ever will. You loved life more than anyone I have ever met; much more than myself. There are so many mean, hurtful, hateful people that could have been taken just as easily. I just have to accept that your time in our Earthly, physical realm...is over.
I am comforted by the fact that I knew you longer than I have known anyone else, and that we had a good relationship. I know that you are not 'dead', I still feel you around; I just can't see you...and that will take some getting used to.
I know of no other way to honour your memory, than to live my life as you did yours. Finding happiness in the moment, but not carelessly. Planning for the future while living for the day. Loving, giving, laughing. Accepting of others and all their differences. You have been, and always will be, my inspiration. You are a beautiful woman, a beautiful person. I am proud to have known you. Thanks for life. I'll make the best of it.
Thank you, David...for loving me; and thank you...for leaving me.
I strongly believe I am a better person because of you. Loving you made me want to change myself...and I did. However, our relationship didn't have the same effect on you.
So yeah, thanks. If you hadn't had left...I probably would have never seen how much more I was putting into our relationship than you.
If you hadn't left, I would have never realized just how much more I deserve out of a relationship.
I deserve someone with the ability to love me with the same intensity that I tend to love others. That may never come my way; and I am okay with that. My joy in this life is not dependent on any other person.
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Your mother sounds like a great woman. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You take care, kilted.