Today is May 8th, 2013. At 6:43pm I bawled my eyes out when my heart finally gave in and shriveled and died. I didn't think that it would hurt that bad... I mean... Usually, when I like someone I just shrug my shoulders and move along but this time I stood there and did what everyone is told NOT to do; I turned around and looked back. The moment I looked back everything flashed in front of my face and I stood there forever in awe. Now I'm sitting at my desk typing my fingers off and clutching where my heart was to have been. Why does it hurt so bad? The back of my mind says there was nothing special since the beginning but my ... empty heart said otherwise... Every single night for 2 months now I've been crying myself to sleep and hugging a worthless piece of cloth ... and a shitty piece of metal. Jeeeeeeezzzzz I've been wasting my time :l and honestly right now I don't have a heart right now <she chuckles insanely> there's nothing there, over the years it just ... melted. But... I won't let it ruin me physically where I eat my emotions away, and I DEFINITELY will NOT let it ruin me educationally where I stop doing my work Pshhh.... I'm stupid but not THAT stupid :l.. But it can ruin me emotionally as much as it wants because eventually I'll just give less ******** that I already give and I'll sit down and grab me a nice cup of cappuccino and watch my shows and be like... Who now? What was I thinking about?
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