(Translated from German)
...I believe I just had a mental breakdown.
My team is in shambles. I have tried my best to replace the classes we have lost with good mercenaries, but it appears that I had been scraping up the leftovers of teams elsewhere in the Badlands. I do not wish to go into detail of who and why the team is failing, but I can safely say that our constant stream of losses is beginning to be too much for me to bear.
Training drills have done nothing. Reviews have done nothing. We have several very stubborn members who do not wish to change what they're comfortable with and cannot seem to work together with their assigned partner. Disagreements in strategy and my own on-field commands have led to countless arguments. Everyone is tense and tired, and I could do nothing to stop their bickering yesterday. Instead I exploded, announced that I would no longer be available as their medic, and stormed back to my infirmary. There I locked everything down, took a long shower, and stayed in my room for the remainder of the evening. Immersing myself in my reading, violin, and paperwork did not keep my attention for long. I was hungry, but I refused to leave and simply went to sleep, punctuated by four-hour naps.
As I write this, I feel both an anger and an emptiness inside me. I am beyond weary. I cannot keep babysitting grown men and instructing them on how to do their jobs if they refuse to listen to me. I am certain I wish to write RED and request immediate transfer, but I have not had the energy to do it yet. I do not wish to leave the safety of my personal quarters until I can get my head back on straight. Thankfully no one has come for me yet.
I do not know what the future may hold for me or my team, but I believe it is coming to an end. Whatever lies beyond Thursday is a mystery...
The lRED Medic
· Thu May 09, 2013 @ 12:30am · 0 Comments