The longer she thinks, the more she remembers all the good things that she once was. Hope, desire, a will to fight for what is right, to do whatever it takes to get where she needs to be, to get what she wants. She would do anything to get back to that place, to feel the way she used to feel, the good, the bad, the addictions, the lust. Days keep passing by, and each day she can feel that person, that shadow, that creature of passion and desire within her, emerging, daring to break the surface, regain control of the life that she used to love.
It started with a glance, watching nervously, taking a leap, finding out more. Then came the music, expression through music, her heart began to beat again, like coming back to life. Courage started to boil in her soul, suddenly she wasn't afraid of the unknown, she welcomed it, dared it to engulf her whole, wanting any reason to be pushed out into the unknown of tomorrow. Her reflection began to stare back at her, grinning as it finally had what it wanted, her attention. Suddenly her outer appearance had begun to matter again, the defects of her skin, the untamed wildness of her curls, the unshapely brows, it all needed to be fixed, and fast.
A drive within had brought her out of a slumber, a dormant place where nothing else mattered. Verses that she had thought herself too logical for now held meaning to her life once more. She had a been a dreamer, living by the words of others, finding ways to keep believing that tomorrow would be a better day.
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.", it meant the world to her to dream, why had she ever stopped dreaming. "Forgive, Oh Lord, my jokes on thee, and I'll forgive thy great big one on me.", faith, a strange and foreign thing to her but somewhere inside it hid so well, her evil side defying all its rules, daring its boundaries - everything was so much more fun when it felt like it was bad.
Oh the addictions, they all flooded back to her, pushing her to her limits, reviving her in an instant. She found herself no longer hungry, no longer thirsty, no longer wanting to care or feel anything but the pain within, that burn that crippled her body each night, that empty feeling that gripped at her heart, that undying need to find perfection in herself. Hunger hurt, it hurt so bad, but feeling light, lighter than air, it meant the world to the desperate girl. She wanted to feel what it was to be thin again, wanted to feel like she could float away again. She would have her way again.
But with all the old, came something new, a new dream, a new addiction, a new craving for desire, for lust, for love. Stunned, confused, amused, torn, the creature within sat back and thought it over. It was something so new, something unheard of, something that seemed to be so worth it all. After all, it was this newness that had brought her back, back to a place where everything and yet nothing mattered at all. She questioned the idea of another lifetime, if it would be different, if it could be different but smiled and knew that all she had, all she needed, was this lifetime - that would suffice. Good, bad, pretty, ugly, difficult, sad, easy, wonderful, it was worth it all to have this new addiction, to have this new craving, to have something to look forward to.... another something that was most certainly worth living for....
Skewed Perfection - The Creature Within
These words, they hold the real truth, spilling out across your mind in an endless wave that has the power to hypnotize. So who is she? This broken soul? Read along and maybe you'll know....