I should have probably posted this first, but at the time it was easier to post something that I'd already written. I've mentioned before to quite a few people that I am an open book about my life; I've gone through therapy and learned that suppressing my thoughts and feelings only makes things worse for me. So, this is for anyone on here that really wants to get to know me.
I've had confidence issues my whole life. I have a younger sister named Alexis. When she was born my grandma moved in with us to babysit so my parents could save on childcare. My sister was always her favorite. I'd spent most of my life trying to gain the approval of a woman that thought everything I did was to annoy her. To this day she still lives with us, and a lot of my psychological damage comes from her. Whether I explain it in this post or anything one, I'm not sure. But there are a lot of reasons I don't get along with my grandma, no matter how much I love her and wish she loved me.
I have three children now. The oldest, Rebecca, is 5. Kelcy, the middle child, is 3. And Matthew, my youngest, just turned 1. In between Kelcy and Matthew I had a miscarriage. I became pregnant while I had an IUD, so they took it out. But a few weeks later I still lost the baby. Because of my children, my lucky number is 4. Rebecca was born February 4th. Kelcy: July 4th. Matthew, who was due on May 31st, was induced early because I ended up with pregnancy induced high blood pressure. His birthday is May 4th. And the baby I miscarried? Was due December 4th. 4 pregnancies, 3 while I was on birth control....the universe was telling me I was done having children, so I got my tubes tied. I should also mention that Rebecca and Kelcy both played soccer, and the jersey's they were given were both the number 4. At random. No lie.
I wanted to drop out of high school when I was 16. Well, I wanted to drop out sooner than that, but I didn't try to until I was 16. But, since I didn't want to disappoint my mom, I looked into alternatives. I transferred to a program called the Middle College High School. At the time it was for students that were able to keep good grades, but didn't do well in the social environment of a regular high school. Me? I couldn't stay out of everyone's drama, even though I kept to myself all the time. Because I was socially awkward I was deemed stuck up, and people liked to challenge me. I hated waking up in the mornings, and some nights I wondered if I should just do something about it so I wouldn't wake up at all.
The Middle College was an answer to all of my prayers. It was located on the local community college campus, and there were only about 30 students. Everyone was laid back, and just like me! I found it very easy to get along with everyone, and it helped that classes ran from 11 to 5 instead of starting before the sun came up. I dominated in academics. I got awards for the highest grade in biology and algebra the first semester, and I started tutoring other students in math. I worked on the yearbook committee, and I met a guy named Chris Hawks that became one of my first friends from that school. Even later we hung out for a few months, but I haven't heard from him in years.
I started taking college classes for free, and received high school credits along with college credits for completing them. My second year there I met a guy named Mark. We dated, broke up. That's a completely different journal entry.
I graduated. At this time I was dating Ricky, the father of Rebecca. I loved him so much, but I didn't like the things he did to me, and I couldn't stop him cheating. I've never dated a guy that hadn't cheated on me. Even Paul, the father of my other two children, left me in the very beginning of our relationship because his ex told him she wanted him back. He was miserable with her, though, and I took him back.
I take that back, I dated a wonderful guy named Daniel, who took care of my like nobody else did. I should have married that guy, but I fell out of love with him, and that is also another journal entry on its own.
Right now I have a best friend named Jonathan. Johnny is absolutely amazing, but the next journal entry I write will have to be about him, because how we became friends is a long story. All you need to know about him right now is I love him, and he's the best thing since sliced bread! Yep...I just used that.
Well, I'm going to bed for now, thanks to anyone who actually reads these
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