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Everyday Life.
All I never had
It`s 9:33 PM right now.
We just came back from Walmart and Staples.
My mom had a long day of work, but i really needed school supplies..
I`ve been telling her i needed to go for a while now but things always came up,
She always forgot,
I know we don`t have much money. I know it`s hard for a single mother to raise 3 kids now that our father passed away.
Sometimes i feel like, if i got a little crazy and smashed his beer bottles, if i got a little wild and pinched off the part of the cigarette he was smoking
He wouldn`t have cancer
He wouldn`t have felt all that pain
He would still live a happy life with the 4 of us
Even though he got drunk and smoked a lot, he loved us.
He tried his best to understand where we were coming from even if we were just some spoiled kids who really needed to mature.
I wish mom could do the same.
I`m the oldest.
The most responsible
The one who needs to be a good role model
The one who gets punished for everything because I`m already screwed up as it is.
As long as her anger is out , she doesn`t seem to understand that every negative thing she says brings down my self esteem.
" What`s wrong with me? "
" I`m not what she considers 'normal' "
My AP exams are coming up
The week after finals start.
The end of the year is the busiest.
I don`t have time
I eat and study at the same time.
I take passages im supposed to read, put them in a sheet protector and tape them inside my shower.
I complete the homework i could finish before i get home during lunch.
I have no life, I have little friends, I have no love from my family.
I`m not asking for much.
Just some love.
I`m too scared to confront my mom,
how the hell can someone ask " Why don`t you love me ?"
Without starting to sob miserably afterwards
I stole this bag of Cuties from the kitchen.
There`s probably 8-10 of them in here
I`ll just eat till the citric acid burns through my stomach so I can just roll over and die.
God, if you do exsist.
I`m just a girl, who needs some time to adapt, and some love to make it through this hardship.

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