So now I'm officially waiting for him to ask me and it's tearing me apart inside. There's nothing I can do about it except sit here and wait. I feel lost, alone, helpless and I'm in pain... so much pain. This heartache hasn't gone away for three days, I've been crying... a lot... and having thoughts that I wish would just go away. Even now when he says that he loves me, I feel like it's a lie. I feel like he's only saying words that he thinks that I want to hear just so I'd stay with him. He's left me twice, he's broken my heart, abused it and never really cared about me at all, or as it seems. For a year, I held my hand and heart out to him, to try and show him in any way possible to show him how much I loved him. No matter what I seem to do, it feels like he doesn't get it, like he doesn't understand me at all. The times he's left, they were invalid excuses. He never spoke with me about it, never even talked to me about why he left. I just feel like a fool for letting him have my heart... I feel like this is the third time he's hurt me emotionally and I really can't take it anymore... My friends are telling me that I should just find someone else, someone who'll respect me and love me the right way, but I just can't do it... I've held on to him for so long that it's just something I don't want to give up. I've never been this close to someone before and I've never been happier in my life when we were together... I felt wanted..
But now, I hate myself for letting my heart be abused this much and for this long. I don't know what to do with myself, but I'm going to wait... I'm giving him a time period that I set for myself. And if he doesn't take me within that time, I'm going to just leave...
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