It is now Friday and I have been here two days now. There are a few frustrating things about this place and a few others that I am unsure whether they are a good thing or negative.
The company of the other patients can be dangerous because you get attached to them. When they leave some of us get very depressed or have these pychotic reactions. It is hard because we don't know when we will get to see or hear from them next, if at all. It is like we are all bonded while we are here together. Each of us has our own journey but all together we have this mindset that we will be able to help each other to get to this end wellness. Together we are on this journey to get there but individually we have our own goals. I'm not sure that makes sense but I can probably compare it to high school where everyone wants to graduate but each student has their own little problems and goals along the way to graduation. : >
The frustrating parts about some of the ways this place is run. To get meds you need to be visited by your social worker and psychiatrist. I didn't get to see mine until afternoon of yesterday then never got to see the psychiatrist unlike everyone else. It was almost as if he thought I wasn't important enough to see or that I wouldn't be kept here for some time.
Yesterday I got visited by my brother. It was mostly a hard day thought because I didn't get much sleep and that had been my goal. It was such a simple goal yet I was unable to get there. I was riritable almost all day. Depite having a good morning, the rest of the day was awash because of the sleep. I couldn't make it through groups because I was falling alseep midway and such.
When my brother came to visit my heart leaped from my chest. I was so happy to see him! He has always been this understanding guy, even if he doesn't quite get in line with your desires. He can still support and listen to you. I love so much about him and I know I brag about him all the time so I won't speak much more on the subject. My goal today is to write letters to my parents. I need to address my mother because she is not in the right mindset for me to come home. She is being unsupportive because it is hard for her. I asked my brother to help in this by getting her to talk to her mother and her sister. I think when she talks to them, it helps.
As expected, my Dad has been really supportive. He is my main man, other than my little brother. I really look forward to his hug. I think once his arms wrap about me, I'll just collapse. I'll cry so hard... I just know it. He always makes me feel this relief in his hug. I don't quite know why he affects me so when we didn't really hug all that much when I was a kid. I mean, we did but it wasn't like some special treat or anything? I remember it like I was clinging to him a lot but I don't know if he liked hugging or ever played around with it by swinging me around. My mom used to do this cute a** cat purring in my ear. That was our intinmate thing together. Those are some good a** memories.
Anyway, keep me in your prayers if you can and I'll continue to work hard to get in a better state or mind and being. I love you all.
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