This past year has been absolute hell. I lost an aunt, and uncle, my grandmother, my favorite cousin, and my first love. They didn't die, they just left. Except Grammy. She left on account of the aunt and the uncle. Not her fault at all. This has certainly taken a toll on my mental health. I don't trust people as much, I'm afraid everyone will leave me, and I have almost all the symptoms of depression. I haven't been genuinely happy since about July. That was when Kevin decided we should just be friends. I'm still extremely upset about that. He was the only thing keeping me afloat. I messaged him the other day saying I missed him and he saw it, but no reply. I'm not sure what that means but it can't be good.
I miss him so much. He made me happy in a way no one else could. I told him all my secrets. He knew me in a way nobody else did. We had a real connection. That's what I've always thought anyways. I really hope he still has feelings for me. I don't want anyone else besides him. He just treated me so perfectly nobody else can compare to him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and only him. I want to start a family and have a beautiful house with him. It just seems so right.
Well, this is going to be my gaia journal. What I post here cannot be determined yet for it has not been written. I can tell you that I will rant a lot though, so you are warned if you read this.