I think I might just do it, ya know?
I'm a coward... but I'm losing the will faster and faster with every miserable day.
Yeah, I have friends, real ones I can actually hang out with in person.. but who cares?
I've lost the one mate I could have stayed attached to.
He's a bad person. So am I.
He lied to me, he never really loved me. The whole ******** waste of time for nothing.
It wasn't even real. But it felt real, and it feel real enough now to tear a hole through chest and make my stomach sink like it's been filled with lead.
I feel sick.
I'll continue for now.
I'm not sure if I want to anymore though.
He was right, if I die it won't matter. I have no one I truly need to be responsible for. If I die, the kids are already being taken care of by someone else, right? Right. He was right.
It'll mostly go unnoticed. I wasn't some bullied retarded bleach drinker. I wasn't some poor little kid. I'm just me. Most people in this area don't even know I exist.
The ones that do will have to get over it.
I don't want to be noticed most of the time though, so that's fine.
Couldn't even spare an hour from ur bullshit papercraft paper mache crap. Too busy talking to a bunch of whores to talk to me. Too busy getting happy and smiling over good morning texts from them. When I sent them though, I was ignored or told I was annoying. same actions, different reactions... just bc they're the shiny new toy that hasn't ******** up yet.
The only person that put up w my s**t long enough for me to get it together... but the minute I start to... he ******** ignores me and then abandons me.
Maybe I'm just tired.
Haven't been sleeping well.
Haven't been doing very well at all.
Oh sure, I'm okay, always.
But am I really? Do I even truly know the difference?
When my eyes are burning from crying, something I'm ashamed of doing to being with, am I still okay? I don't even know. I'm okay though. Trust me.
Duchess of Awe
· Mon Apr 22, 2013 @ 10:25am · 0 Comments