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Cotton Candy is Evil
For the Forsaken
Life is never ending and cyclical
I had the weirdest weekend.

On Friday night I cancelled my guitar lessons and had dinner. I drove home and crashed - slept way more than 12 hours. Anyhow, I woke up after the worst dream. I was at my grandma's house and there was some sort of family reunion. For some reason, he was there. Most of the dream was us figuring us out. I woke up right after we were setting up beds in the living room. I took the couch and he was on the floor. He reached out and held my hand. I was heartbroken and so unsure. I keep thinking even if fate brought us back together it would never be the same because I could never trust him that way again.

I woke up and everything hurt. Then I discovered my vegetables had ended and where I volunteer was closed because of a power outage. So I helped a friend prime her bathroom instead. Summer work crew skillz in action! It's been stormy and the power was out when I got home so I went to a friend's house instead. We were chilling but I left cuz it got kind of awkward. I drove for like 2 hours on the way home because I got lost; I blame the 2 5hr energies I chugged but it was probably just drunkenness. I almost ran out of gas but I made it.

The stupid energy shots kept me up. I was awake at 12, 3, 4, 6 etc. Last night all I could think about was Jay and his stupid dog. At this point I felt delirious and tormented. Then at 3am exactly Pandora decided to play both "I Miss You" and "11am" by Incubus. One of those was what brought us together the first time. The other just made me sad. I couldn't sleep.

Today was productive. I finished painting my friend's bathroom. I setup and cleaned my house for the fam's visit this week. I threw away pages of writing I should have gotten rid of long ago - after she left. I cooked. I relaxed. I waited for the afternoon T&L show but it never came, I corresponded - I drank. I feel... Okay. Please let tonight just bring me sleep. I don't want to think about you anymore.

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