While the beautiful structures were being built with the finest of materials, the finest things and the most beauty, they rose from the ground, from nothing into everything. one billion times one billion times one billion miles of dust and dirt turned into a fine, golden city that enveloped every inch of the dirt and dust, covering the countless, numberless miles into a radiant and beautiful universe of perfection that seemed permanent.
The perfection of the structures began to fade as one of them fell to the ground, causing a sickening disturbance in the new world... slowly and unexpectedly, they fell and dropped, each of the towers, one by one, they fell into eachother, they destroyed eachother as they fell to the ground, and in only a few months time, all of the towers, the entire new world was in ruin.
All of them were destroyed, every one of them, all that remained was their destroyed structures, littering the new world... all hope was gone, everything was in ruin, the destruction was unfathomable and permanent.
I'm describing my life. in 2011, something happened that changed my world forever, my entire life changed and never went back to normal. i didn't know what to do, i was in so much pain, nothing but misery for so many months. months went by, countless days came and went, endless hours of misery in every one of those days, my life was horrible for so long, until May, 2012. things started to rise up from the destruction they fell to. my life was totally destroyed, and in spring of 2012, it slowly began to fix itself. i made happy memories for the first time in i don't even know how many months. from May 2012 to November 2012, everything was destroyed again... and still is. ever since November 2012, it's all been in ruin for the second time, like the city i described (or whatever).
For another big amount of months, everything is a terrible wreck, it's been hard to be happy, i feel like i used to, i'm all out of hope and all out of breath from everything... i've honestly been unable to escape the feeling that my life has come to a bitter end and will never get better.
Which is why i decided to write this journal entry. lately i've found some shred of hope that things will get better, that in the end my brightest hopes will come true, through faith. only through miracles would they be able to, anyway... >.>
what if this theoretical "city" could slowly rebuild forever.. what if my life could recharge itself forever, never ending and amazingly brilliant. it could all end, and the misery would fade forever.
I've done horrible things in these past months. i plan to fix myself... i plan to stop answering to a master of puppets... i plan to take my life back, wipe the slate clean. if i can pull this off, i can be proud of myself for that.
I want to see my life rebuild around me, i want to see it happen again...
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