OFFICIAL STAR RATINGS AND s**t
Miz/Barrett: didn't see, don't care. Miz won, I guess, with his terribad figure-four. Whatever.
BeegWhiteSnake/Shield: 4/5. Second-best match of the show, because I enjoy seeing Blandy Boreton suffer and the Shield wreck s**t. Stunned to see this one jerk the curtain. Ambrose scores the pinfall for the Shield. Yeah. John Moxley pinned Randy Orton clean at Wrestlemania. Let that sink in for a moment, and rejoice.
Hell No/Ziggy-Biggy: 3/5. Solid action, Big E in action finally, and mah boi D-Bry went ovah dawg, but it's painful to watch the few remnants of Ziggler's momentum dry up and blow away like tumbleweeds. It depresses me how little faith WWE has in someone with so much talent. Dude's buried so deep now he's next to dinosaur bones.
FANDANGOO: vomit/5. Sloppy as hell. Ol' Johnny C is still greener than owl s**t. Jericho had to carry him the entire match.
The Ryback/WHOA HEY: 2/5. I had such high expectations for what turned out to be a blah match with a weird finish. Mark Henry's still a great wrecking machine, and The Ryback's still not quite ready for the big time but he'll get there. I hope.
Swagger/Del Rio: 2.5/5. Solid match, but with a terrible build, zero surprises, and a crowd deader than Owen Hart. Plus, no Ziggler cash-in AGAIN. Gettin' real tired of this Money in the Bank blueballs bullshit.
Taker/Punk: 5/5, easily MOTN. Dem entrances. Obvious outcome thanks to Paul Bearer being dead and all, but the match was still fantastic with a lot of drama to the near-falls. Good stuff.
Bork Laser beat up Shovel Man 2: PISS/5. Triple H sure needed that win, and in other news, water is not wet. Slow, plodding, waste of time.
Rhodes Scholars & Bellas/King Hippo, Albert, Naomi and Drunkadactyl: third-best match of the night, because it never actually happened. Naomi deserves better than to waste her time valeting around a fat sack of s**t and a weeaboo who'll never be over again, with a dumb skank who thinks the greatest match of all time is Melina vs. Alicia Fox. Bellas deserve to be ******** fired, because they're still garabge. Rhodes Scholars deserve a non-shitty feud.
Twice In A Lifetime: GARBAGE/5. Poorly-paced dogshit just like the first, now with more Cena heel-turn blueballs. Rocky gassed to the gills less than a minute in. If you like punches and rest holds for 20 minutes, followed by 15 minutes of finisher spam and an abrupt ending that doesn't make sense, this is the match for you and you're a ********' idiot.
OVERALL: aggressively mediocre leaning towards bad. Still better than WM27, though.
KaijuWorldOrder Community Member 
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