Almost every time I read yuri or shojo-ai I get this pit in my stomach.... An empty pit. Like a small gaping hole that grows steadily bit by bit.... I just feel... alone. I feel like I need to fill that hole... by planting a new heart in it.... Then, later, that pit fades. No pain. Nothing. Like nothing ever happened. No yearning. It hits me only when I least expect it.... It's on and off. Like an unpredictable weather forecast.... Showers one day and snow the next. Or, could it be sunny...? I honestly have no idea.... I don't want these new found feelings to fade and die for they are way too precious.
I have never really thought too much about love before. I have never once questioned my identity. Never once have I known. Until now. I always assumed. That assumption became me. My very breath. My very heartbeat. My very mind. Who am I... really...?
I'm just a philosopher at heart. Nothing more.
I am shy so I tend to stay at home a lot. I don't test myself like I should..... Life is odd that way.... Or, is it?