This will be the rewriting of the Bible to interpret it my way as the True Christian.
In the beginning, a gaseous matter called "God" created the earth and some dark area. Now, the earth had no form/body. It was not a cube or a square or a jumbled up mess of spikes poking out of itself. It was essentially nonexistent as it was created. It was shrouded in darkness and was empty, so with the dark area around it, it looked like nothing was there. This gaseous cloud hovered over the water placed on this surface that had no body to claim to a surface, despite the previous notion that this area was empty and had nothing on it, including water.
This gaseous matter spoke a series of words regarding a light source and then formulated a sort of light source. This gaseous matter or "spirit" saw this light and determined it was good, and the darkness was left undetermined. This gas cloud separated the light from the dark and called them "day" and "night" respectively. An indeterminate amount of time occurred from this point around this shapeless object which was deemed "evening" and "morning" called a "day". Disregard that the light source is also called a "day".
This gaseous cloud also spoke a series of words regarding a "vault" to separate the water from itself and then created said "vault". This gas cloud named this "vault" as "sky", which was not necessary. An indeterminate amount of time happened between the last event and this one which was determined to be "day two", but it was questionable as to whether this gaseous cloud of sorts was not moving at the same pace as the aforementioned light source as to be under it or to be at a different spot as to the original event.
This gaseous matter spoke another volley of words regarding the water under the sky coming into contact at one place in order to create "dry ground" on this shapeless land. It's questionable as to what happened to the water above the sky, since this "vault" was meant to separate the water from itself and that only the water under the sky was to be put in this one place. It's also a question as to what the surface of this formless area was originally made of. The gas cloud determined that this dry area be called "land" and that the water gathered at one place be called "seas". That's the plural of sea, not just one giant mass. This gas cloud determined that it was good, but still no word about the condition of the darkness.
This gaseous matter spoke some words about the land producing vegetation which included seed-bearing plants, trees that produced fruit with seeds in them and other things according to their various kinds. This land obeyed the terminology, including when this gas cloud said the exact line, "according to their various kinds", as to not give any sort of specifics. Whichever land determined what tomatoes were supposed to be must have gotten the nonspecific directions incorrect. This gas cloud saw that these things, including the tomatoes, were good. An indeterminate amount of time passed which was deemed "day three".
The gas cloud known as God then spoke a few words regarding numerous light sources being placed in the "vault of the sky" in order to separate "day" from "night", which was interesting because it was already determined that they were to be separated before. They were to be used to mark sacred events, days and years, but it's already "day three". God then decided that the biggest light source, second biggest light source and numerous smaller light sources, although they were not inherently smaller in comparison to the biggest light source, just sent farther way, were to be sent into the sky. This gas cloud determined that this was good, an indeterminable amount of time happened, and it was deemed "day four".
God spoke some words regarding creatures appearing in the water and in the sky of this shapeless structure. This gaseous matter then decided to create these creatures which further proves that speaking the action that you're about to do before or during the time you do it adds to the effect. God then proclaimed that this was good and blessed the creatures with a command to have sex and reproduce like mad. An indeterminate amount of time of sea creatures and birds getting it on had occurred, and this was deemed "day five".
This gaseous cloud then spoke some words regarding numerous creatures including livestock, things on the ground and wild animals. It was important to separate livestock from the wild animal group as to determine that they've already been domesticated without human interference beforehand. This gas cloud then proceeded to do this action that had originally been spoken out loud and determined that this was good. This gas cloud did not tell them to reproduce.
This gas cloud then proclaimed, "Let us make humans in our image so that they may control everything." It did not make clear as to who it was referring to by using the word "us". It's possible that this gaseous matter was Legion or that there were more gas clouds involved. God then proceeded to create these humans which were originally said to the audience of "us" that included male and female humans. This gaseous matter then blessed them with a command to have sex like mad and pop out some babies along with telling them to control everything that moves, including the birds still having sex.
This God then proclaimed that all the vegetation was to be used for food, but not the creatures as if to promote a vegetarian lifestyle. This gas cloud then determined that it was "very" good this time, and an indeterminate amount of time had occurred which marked the end of of a time deemed "day six" on this "earth" that is not a hexagon or a trapezoid.
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