Re-live the bad
No one likes to remember things that are embarrassing or hurting. But you need to.
As a child I was forced to remember all of my misadventures. The tiniest item or word would flow back the memory as if the word triggers the memory on purpose to taunt and tease me. I still have this...A wandering mind. So every little thing has its own memory.
My mind works in a rapid succession if I stop thinking of something I depress myself. I've still yet to understand why I do this, but I digress. You need to re-live the bad parts of your life. Either by your hand or some one else's but you need to remember.
It hurts, I know. And we normally don't think about things that hurt us. But fully understand what happened. What went wrong and how we can prevent it we need to remember as well as healing ourselves if the memory is that bad.
There's nothing I can do to make you take this information. You probably already know that you need to remember in order to heal yourself or others.
When you try to conform to the norm you lose all individuality. When you take the norm and shape it into something you can use for yourself, You have achieved self indulgence.