I've had a stressful beginning of 2013. 2012 was shitty as it is, and I'm hoping s**t gets better, but it hasn't yet. Let me speed you up,
January - School screwed me over, so I'm not in school this semester. && It was their fault and mine, but in the end I'll blame myself because I should have done more, I could have done more, it's a long story.
February - Sick constantly. I turned 21, yay! But because I was constantly sick, and still am, I haven't been able to to celebrate. I'm one year and one month sober, and I don't want to be.I want to be able to drink moderately to take all this bullshit off my shoulders. Out of this whole month I was healthy for only a couple days.
March - Yeah, I don't know if I have insurance now. Health insurance that is, I should I'm a full time student, expect now, and I'm fully dependent on my father and his paycheck still. My mom is having problems so I have been helping her out too.
But because I'm still sick, I haven't been able to get the sleep I need. So what happens? I cursed out my car door. I cursed out my car. I cursed out my iPhone, its car charger, and my scar today. & Cried while driving home. Because I'm tired physically and mentally. I'm not happy, my boyfriend called me an idiot today for something he did & didn't do.
I'm jealous of other people.
My skin may look amazing, but this winter I haven't been wearing contacts much. I haven't been putting on makeup much, or dressing like I usually do. I go sweats these days! I look like I'm ready to go back to sleep every day.
My nephew is annoying and is getting worse by the day. He's the little brat that gave me a damn cold.
My boyfriend has made tons of mistakes while drinking, all of which I was there for and to forgive him for. I made one mistake and what does he tell me, he doesn't want me drinking. I made one ******** mistake two years ago by drinking too much, and that mistake was brought on by his bullshit friend that tried to peer pressure my friend into doing something she didn't want to.So obviously I'm going to get ******** mad and I was drunk as s**t so things weren't that great of a situation. His friends only use him, last time he was with his friends he lied to me and then I already knew he was lying, and it got worse his friends older brother stole $200 and his iPhone from him.
My boyfriend is on probation because of his ******** friends while they're walking around free as hell, I mean why? They're just as legal as he is? Why does someone who abides the law and tells the truth get probation while the other two get nothing?!
He also told me once he won't trust me if I start drinking again. && It's like, you drink, like what the ********?! It's hypocritical.
&& I just want one photographer to help me out with a fast a** shoot, it would be great for his newbie a** portfolio, but it'd help me out cuz I need to make a layout for my blog. But what does he do he whines, complains, and tries to bribe me with money to do lingerie and bikini shoots. I know he's attracted to me, so why would I do it with someone who is? I'm not trying to show my boobs to some guy who likes me and is desperate for a girl. This girl right here is taken, I have respect and morals, and loyalty to my boyfriend. All other guys back the ******** off before I become a b***h.
Then the dude tries to tell me I'm not serious enough, and I'm like. "Oh so a girl who doesn't want to ******** strip for a ******** camera is not serious? Please i know myself on the modeling and photography world better than you do and what you do is unprofessional. I don't need to strip, I don't need to show my boobs, I'm a ******** fashion person. Your the one who said you wanted to help me, now all of a sudden you want to take me out on dates. No offense but I only date Asian guys, and your getting no where. Lose my ******** number, good-bye"
I mean it's cool if you do those kind of shoots, and it's cool if you tell me I'm gorgeous or compliment me once in awhile, but not every ******** sentence. I don't want to work with someone whose attracted to me. Maybe that's why I look like s**t lately because I don't want to be hit on by such annoying assholes.
I'm tired of being in the same damn place, I need a vacation!
I'm going to drink my ******** tea and go the ******** to sleep. It's funny, I'm a humanitarian. As much as I love people,,I hate them too.