desert-fish
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just some personal stuff...
sigh... i'm just gonna rant here cause it feels more impersonal (because most of me irl friends are not on here) and i don't really want people i know irl to find out..... it's nothing bad... but i just don't want people i rarely talk to coming up to me asking about it

it's been a very tough week... or 2 weeks now to be exact... or no, it's more like a bunch of old problems that just suddenly resurfaced all at once

in short... my dad just had a surgery for a bleeding brain tumor. it became swollen and was pressing against his eyes. i'm so worried right now because he lost most of his sight. the doctor said it might slowly recover... but we can only wait and see..... some other stuff also happened... and just sort of added to the problem... ya...

full version
this post is going to be super long and complicated with a bunch of.. well.. everything in it
so just skip it lol... i just have to write this down somewhere before i go crazy xD

now, where should i start, i guess right before xmas would be a good time
my littler brother became really sick... it ended up being pneumonia and it wasn't too bad. he just has to rest up, and couldn't play hockey for a while
but because it was right before xmas, and we've already booked our vacation to disney... i guess a part of him never fully recovered (even thou he looked and felt all better)

ok.. so skip to about 2 month later...

it was during our chinese new years dinner when my dad suddenly fell over and passed out... everyone panicked... what if something bad happened..?
my mom drove him to the hospital in a hurry, and by the time they got there (like.. 15 min ride), my dad was regaining consciousnesses
he was still in a lot of pain (couldn't even stand without help or he'll fall over), and his eye balls were bleeding and looked like they were about to pop out of the sockets... but he was awake

as soon as we walked into the emergency section of the hospital, a nurse came and helped us in. she look really worried (well yeah my dad's eyes are like crying blood) and directed us to a room where he can get his eye pressure taken.

so... normal human eye pressure is about 20 ish... and my dad's result came back as 95... the nurse told us that unless the doctors do something, my dad will soon go blind

my dad was a lot more awake now... but he said afterwards it was probably due to the pain... we were all really glad to see him up, but omg... when the doctor came in, he looked at my dad and said
"you should go see an eye specialist, let me help you book an appointment. it's late now (10pm by then) so maybe you can drive him there tmr".

like.. do you understand? my dad was about to go blind and the doctor just told us that he is going to do NOTHING about it!

everyone snapped, right there and then... my mom started crying uncontrollably... and my dad started yelling... i was so shocked! not just because i've never seen my mom cry, or my dad swear before... but because of the doctor

it was so clear, plain and simple to everyone else in the room that something was not right.. and he just stood there... not willing to help out when he had the power and right to make a difference... it really made me lose all my faith in the canadian health care system, question the ethic and moral rights of these people that we trust our lives with... and i guess work a little harder in school (i'm in pre-med)

but i guess all our yelling helped... a doctor has agreed to see us.. but he is in another hospital... so i went home with my little brother (because i have to take care of him. he's still got school the next day and i needed to put him to bed and make his lunch) and my mom went with my dad on an ambulance to the other hospital.

idk what happened to them after... but apparently after they got to the new hospital... there were only the doctor's 2 interns there
they were on the phone.. still trying to convince the doctor to come back to work at about 11pm to do a major surgery
and guess what... just our luck, the doctor said no

so without the surgeon there to direct the surgery, all the interns could do was cut a small slit at the side of his eyes (to let some of the liquid out as to relieve pressure)

it just kept on getting worst and worst... and my dad had to wait for a WHOLE DAY before he could get the surgery done. of course by then he had long passed out due to the pain

after the surgery i got a call from my mom, it was a tumor at the back of his eyes. the tumor busted and was bleeding, which in turn was bleeding into and pressing against the eyes. and that was what caused the intense eye pressure.
most of the tumor has been removed, it wasn't cancer (so that was a huge relieve), but the root of the tumor is too close to the eye and removing it would do too much damage. so all they could do was burn it and hope it doesn't grow back

so ya... my dad just got back 2 days ago from the hospital... he took about a month and a half off of work to recover but the problem is.. he still can't see anything clearly yet!!

seeing him like this just makes me so sad... and when he came back home and saw us.. he cried. it wasn't very noticeable.. just like a few tears sliding down his cheeks. but seeing it was so heartbreaking

sigh... so that's the major thing i wanted to type about... but there is another thing too. and it's about my little brother and his pneumonia

so after we came back from disney.. my brother started playing hockey again (can't stay off the tournaments for too long right?)
but after every practice or match, he would always feel extremely tired and a bit sick (wanting to throw up and such)

we took him to the doctors 2 days before my dad fell ill, and the blood test came back this tuesday...

everything was normal except for one thing... his neutrophil level
it is a type of white blood cell in the body that is an important part of the immune system (fighting against bacteria and stuff)
in a normal person, it should be at least 1.5 at all times. any lower then there might be a huge problem. and in my brother it was tested to be 1.1

the main reason doctors take the 0.4 difference so seriously is because neutropenia is usually a precursor to blood cancer...

i am so worried right now... about my dad and his eye recovery and about my brother (we don't get the 2nd test result back until next tuesday.. then if it is too low again we have to go to a specialist to find out more...)

i've been home for 2 weeks now, just taking care of family stuff. don't get me wrong, family is VERY important and staying with them through these hard times is only natural, but it's not like i dont have school and tests and stuff either right?
which just adds to my worries (all my missed lectures, assignments and tests)

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....................................
so stressed...... and tired.................
i just want to dig a hole, lie in it and sleep forever............