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I haven't made a journal in a log time. So makes up for it*. I was too lazy to catch up on that. I have been having a problem for the past couple of dayss, about this guy. I don't want to say his name but we are no longer talking to each other anymore. I did something that I know was my fault and my memories keep haunting me. Something triggered me to think about him and he shows up in my head from time to time. I apologize for what I did and I want him to forgive me but I don't think he wants to talk to me again and I am too nervous to talk to him. I feel ashamed and I dont want to talk about it.It's been a year and last summer we did somethings we weren't suppose to (Sex?). My head hurts and I googled his name to see if any of his profiles would come up, I found his twitter. my heart raced when I saw his twitter (looked real). I can't stop myself form thinking about him and it's been 3 days. I know I hsould move on but I can't. I try so hard to think about other things but he keeps popping back up. I know where he lives (idk if he still lives there), he lives two towns away from me. I could hop ona bus and walk to his house if I wnated to but I won't. I refuse to do it and there is no point because he will just reject me again. I keep rereading over his tweets even though I don't have a twitter and staring at him. I'm yours if you are still around but you know, you know you know. Don't you go getting married, don't you go get engaged, I know your getting older, don't have no time to waste. Can't loose you, cna't help it, I'm so sorry. I'm so selfish. I should write a song about him but will that just push it. I think the song someone like you by Adele is how I am feeling right now. Nevermind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, too. Don't forget me, I said I remember you said, sometimes it lasts with love and sometimes it hurts instead. I think I fell in love with him and we did something when we weren't even dating. We found love in a hopeless? rolleyes
Maybe having sex with someone else should relieve my pain. I am tlaking to this other guy, I actually texted him twice and he hasn't responded. I should text him one more time to see if he wants to talk to me and then relaize he doesn't want any part of me either. God, I purposely let myself ruin my life and others. I see why no one wants to be with me.