I've been dating online for almost a year now, in that short amount of time I've dating a few people; as always my relationships usually don't last long, a month or two at best. Even when I was dating people at my old school and I would go away for break I never found myself wishing that they'd be by my side. Never have I found myself crying at the distance between me and another.
Recently I've been doing that enough, I think it's more proof that he's the one. I think of the distance between us, and how I can't hug him and be in his arms and kiss him and it rips me up inside. It's a deep rooted pain I've never felt before and it makes me wish only more and more that I had more money, a better life. A life in which I could drop everything to get on a plane and go and see him whenever I wanted. Every weekend if possible. If only I had that kind of money.. that kind of time.. I wish I did... just for him I'd do the one thing I'm completely terrified of doing, flying. Because when you're up in the air like that you're helpless, and if you fall, you die. There's nothing to catch you, no safety net... not trampoline that could stop a fall of a human at terminal velocity. I'm not a very trust worthy person, especially not when there's complex machinery that could blow up in your face involved. But I would do that, go through my worst fears, just for him.
If it were possible, if I was smart enough... s**t I think I would have started on a teleporter by now.. trying to break the laws of time and space to get to him. Because thinking of that thousand miles, it's like every inch, every millimeter is a knife in my heart. I've never felt like this before... I've never sat in bed at night and cried because there were a lack of arms around me.. no voice that stops my heart and throws my mind in to chaos.... I've never woken up in the morning from a dream of being with someone, to only realize that they aren't really there, and to feel my heart break. I wish I could move to be closer to him.. If I could I would, in a matter of seconds I'd have everything packed.
... I can only image what'll be like when he has to leave... When he comes I'll be so happy but I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from crying when he has to go... I wish I could move...
Mother goddess why do you have to be so cruel?
Utsu Tor Daisetsu