sora wonk
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guess who totoro
i should stop naming my entries misleading things.

i have three midterms on tuesday, two of them right after each other, and at opposite sides of campus. how do you even study for these. all three of them are science/math pre-med classes. oh blah.

i used to believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but now i'm just wondering where are the painkillers. because headache.

gaia is my stress-free tumblr. on tumblr, i have to maintain some kind of quality and all my rants have to have some kind of purpose.

here i'm just like ******** dis. and i made a xanga too, but

i figure my personality is already split enough. don't need even more fragments. you have no idea.

see on gaia, you have to filthy, unwashed, honest, and self-pitying version of me. the one that complains all the time and introspects in such a sickeningly masturbatory way that i just smh.

but almost 100% of people never see this side for more than 5 minutes ever in their lives. because i'm really very quiet. and these thoughts don't come out of my head. they spin and spin and spin inside me until they make me a little crazy

and i come here and let the crazy out.

there's the tumblr version of me, which is very quiet and only posts about Important Things. doesn't have much of a personality.

there's rl me around people i don't know (99.99999% of the population). i'm a total a*****e to most people tbh. i used to be nicer. i don't waste much energy socializing or trying to be friendly. it feels superficial and i don't have energy to pretend to care about people i don't actually care about. truth is, it's hard to care about people you don't know, especially when you have trouble keeping your own s**t together.

there's rl me around people in my social circle. i'm really nice to them and i try to make sure everyone's happy and not lonely. i laugh a lot at other people's jokes, even when they're not funny. i mean, they tried. it's all good.

and then there's rl me around people i'm super close with. i am tsundere as hell and also a bit of an idiot. like anything i could help with, i would. i should stop caring so much. i should stop being like, "hey this internship looks like something my friend blah would appreciate!" *proceeds to send blah a list of like 20 internships and an inspirational poster, you know, just cuz*

jesus christ.

this was not what i wanted to write about. let's try again.