deep_frost
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MONOOOOOO
I hate this.

So, I don't even have symptoms anymore. Just an enlarged spleen and a pain in my side from said spleen. But it's still terrible. Having a virus is the worst, because you can do next to nothing to get better. And, since it's mono, you're supposed to rest all the time and I am so sick of sitting around doing nothing. That just makes me think more! I feel like I have made a permanent dent in our couch and I am scared to do anything. Not to mention that enlarged spleen symptoms and ruptured spleen symptoms are pretty much the same. -sigh-

Plus, whenever I'm sick in any form, I start to think everything is wrong with me. Like I'm suddenly allergic to every food or I have Graves disease or a potential for a heart attack. It sucks. Also, I was so stressed out by the potential for a ruptured spleen (even though I've done absolutely nothing!) that I had my first anxiety attack. My friends were so scared that they rushed me to the ER. It was pretty bad. I can't say I'm surprised. I don't say things out loud often, but my head is always anxious about one thing or another, so it seemed like a matter of time. Especially since this kind of thing runs in my family. Brother has OCD, sister has panic attacks, and two other siblings have depression. Looking at that, this seems relatively minor. Plus, since I now know for sure what it is, it almost seems better. I can just tell myself I'm freaking out for no reason. Which, ok, I've been doing for a while, but I'm trying to make myself feel better here.

Anyway, spleen still hurts, but it's almost been three weeks and I'm assuming this is a mild case, so it should be gone soon. I'm not even that fatigued anymore. Just the spleen and enlarged lymph nodes. But I'm also nervous because there is a blizzard going on over here that won't let up until tomorrow night and, if something happens, I have no way to get to the hospital. Scary! Gonna hope for the best!