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I've been trying to influence what I dream about lately. Such as telling myself "I will dream of ____ tonight" and giving myself a scenario or a certain person. Recently I've wanted to dream of a love interest, Tom, for a story a friend has been writing just to gain inspiration. It hasn't really been working and I haven't been getting inspiration. Or at least the kind of inspiration that I would like.

Last night I dreamt that Ira and I had "taken a break" from our relationship to see other people. I wasn't thrilled at all about our little split but I decided I'd try seeing someone anyways. It was Geoffrey, a guy I had gone to elementary school with. We weren't that serious about our relationship either but all it was really was the physical. Unfortunately, I just wasn't cutting it for him and he also said that we shouldn't see each other anymore. Distraught I had been rejected again, I called up Ira on the verge of tears and told him that our split was stupid and all I wanted was to be back with him.

I seem to keep having odd dreams like this. I'll dream Ira and I aren't together and I'll be with someone else, but even in my dreams all I want is him. Even in real life, as much as I enjoy to look and I'll admit, sometimes flirt a little bit, but at the end of the day I still want no one else other than him. Which I guess makes me happy that my subconscious is reflecting that. I've never dreamed of a significant other this much before.

I believe I am slowly drawing out of my winter creativity lull. I've been feeling the desire to set up the easel I bought a couple months ago and finally start painting again. I don't even know what I want to put on canvas, I just want to put paint on it and create wonderful colors. The inspiration will come if the drive is there.