Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Report This Entry Subscribe to this Journal
Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
Taking Time to Heal...

I spoke to mom two days after she told me she lost her job. She told me to take time to heal and go through what I"m going through...but not to be too complacent.

I'm glad someone shares my sentiment when it comes to pain. After rereading my last post I was really going through it. Hell, it was just a day or so ago that I wrote it. I also still identify with that empty feeling...almost as if I'm sad but I'm not sure how to properly express that emotion to I feel blank...empty...and void.

I guess that's also why I haven't been as gung-ho as I should be about finding another job but just in the last day or so it seems that things might be turning around.

I got a call from the Creative Circle yesterday about a job opening with Comcast Corporate. They're looking for an Account Executive to assist their marketing team. I read the description and surprise surprise...they want someone with 3+ years experience. When I was tlaking to Katherine, she said my agency work might come in handy so she would pitch me to the client. Now, I didn't get my hopes up too high, the last time something like this happened was with my initial meeting with CC in DC...as it turns out the client didn't even want to meet with me...so that was a let down...and the same thing might happen now. But it was sweet that she thought of me and called.

I also got an email from a former Honors alum looking for a marketing intern that I might put my hat in for. Why the hell not right? Plus it's paid? Amen to that!

Also, I texted Rob that Saturday after I wrote that post saying that I miss him and think about him everyday and he responded "I as well". That was my first glimmer of hope. I knew he was still wanting his key back...especially after he texted me earlier today asking about it. I told him I'd try to "drop it off before work" (yeah right) but he didn't want me to "go through the trouble" and eventually offered to pick it up on Thursday...his off day (he probably has a doctor's appt smilies/icon_sad.gif ), after that he tried to cut the conversation off. I texted back a sad face and he just said he's not ging to be home and I'd just be putting it in the mailbox anyway and if "that's what I want to do then he'd understand". I basically just said that he's the one that didn't want to see me and that I feel like I would never see him again after Thursday.

Brief story time...

Originally, back in the day after some time, I knew I wanted a key to Rob's house. He was always reluctant to give it to me and eventually I got one. During my last semester in college, when I would frequently stay at his place as the midway point between campus and my internship with PHL17, I obtained the key to get into his house late at night and to lock it up early in the morning. I've kept it on my keyring ever since.

After the semester was over when I was back in Philly on my frequent trips early in the summertime...Rob asked for his key back...and he was serious. I didn't quite understand why...and he never gave me a reason. He just kept saying that I didn't need it anymore and someone else needed that key...nothing made sense...and I started crumbling. I started crying like a baby that day...and the tears wouldn't stop. The floodgate opened in my eyes that day as I sat in the passenger seat of his car...and they didn't stop for like...an hour. He took me to Rita's, bought me a gelati, took me home, and layed me down on his bed...and just THEN the tears started to subside. Rob was so confused as to what really caused the tears...and he didn't seem to understand what I was telling him (not that I even remember myself), there's probably a post about that day too that I'll search for.

But yeah, ever since that May or June, he has wanted it back.

Antiways, after my sad face and saying I didn't think I'd see him again, he sent me like 4 texts saying that he misses me and wants to see me but doesn't want to subject me to the madness, anger, or depression he has been dipping in and out of and doesn't believe in saying hurtful things to the one he loves....If he only knew.

Then he asked me why I'm so worried about Thursday if i'm out living my life to which I just explained that I understand what he's going through and that I don't deserve anything. With all that I still can't change my feelings for him...as I told him that the main reason I moved up here was to be closer to him and that since I moved into my new house all I do it work and lay in bed thinking about everything.

He then asked if he ever mistreated me or disrespected me, which...in the broad/general sense, no he hasn't. But I'm still hurting...just like he is.

He apologized and wanted to know what he could do to make it up to me and I responded that it's not about me but thanked him for giving me hope that we could work through this and I assured him that I'd give him the space he needed. He told me that he's getting better for which I was glad. I told him that I missed him and wanted to hear from him more and he said "Ok, have a good day." ====> I hate when he ends it like that...like I'm some acquataince or something... smilies/icon_xp.gif I texted back "Shuttup -_-" ...

...and he texted back..."I love you more"

smilies/icon_heart.gif

So it's easy to see how I'm feeling right now smilies/icon_3nodding.gif

So I initially planned to get some errands done today and after trying to reason with myself to just do them tomorrow...I agreed to at least go to the bank and get rent out the way after I watched TGJ's new Ciara interview (in which she all but confirmed Fantasy Ride to be her favorite album...I feel that she bumps that record every other day smilies/icon_wink.gif ).

Something funny happened while I was out though.

After the bank...I went to go get some Chickfila...and while I was walking through the food court I was SCOUTED! smilies/icon_rofl.gif By someone who TRAINED me at IFP no less!

Patrick...the scout trainer who helped train us when I was going to those meeting ran up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder and proceeded to give me his pitch. He noticed my height and my face. I had a fitted on to hide my messed up hair...and my black boots and skinnys which elogated my body...I'm naturally tall but I probably looked super tall. It was definitely interesting being on the other side.

The funny part was earlier that day I was just thinking "why didn't I ever get scouted lol" and I was also thinking if I did happen to be scouted that would definitely give me a reason to go back there and talk to somebody...and what do you know..it happened. smilies/icon_rofl.gif

I was sitting there as he was giving me his pitch thinking, "Is this really happening? Does he not recognize me?" I remember that whole morning we were talking about scouting and possible scenarios and things like that. I was flattered that I was scouted but rather offended...was my face and prescence that forgettable? But then again, I was dressed completely different that when I was coming to those training sessions sooo.... smilies/icon_sweatdrop.gif I was sitting there listening to him wondering if he was going to recognize me at all... smilies/icon_xp.gif

It was rather strange, but I think i'll swing by there Thursday evening. Like I said, I still want to work for the company, I just don't want to be pressured to meet a quota of scouting 15, 20, 30 people a week. smilies/icon_xp.gif Speaking of...I have a job interview tomorrow lmao With Premier Innovations....they've been calling me for a few weeks...It's all the way up in Trevose but I'm just not interested nor do I feel like going all the way up to Trevose tomorrow afternoon. Whack.

Which also reminds me, I forgot to bring my beige pants to work to get dry cleaned smilies/icon_sad.gif Oh well, I doubt I'll go to an interview this week so I'll just bring them in on Friday and wash it with the rest of my interview.

Other than that, Rent is paid and I'm really enjoying this anime series I'm watching called "Sekirei". It's hilariously funny, action packed, and full of love. They could stan to tone done the female nudity (and addmore male smilies/burning_eyes.gif) but I'm pleased nonetheless. Marlon suggested it to me (among others) and guessed which one I picked correctly smilies/icon_eek.gif

I also discovered that my Sun, Mercury, and Venus signs are in Virgo which means my essential qualities along with the way I communicate and the way I handle love and relationships are the ways Virgos would do it. I learned that my Mars sign is in Gemini which means I handle sex and passion just like a Gemini...which isn't good smilies/icon_rofl.gif

Here are how the rest play out:

Jupiter -Leo
Saturn - Cap
Uranus - Cap
Neptune - Cap
Pluto - Scorp
Rising - Scorp

http://kiosk.alabe.com/cgi-bin/chart/astrobotk.cgi?Y <== that link has more about it all.

Quite interesting and most of it is very true.

But alas...Despite all the mess of work this morning, the annoying emails tonight...and dealing with everything else I'm in decent spirits right now which has proven to be quite rare smilies/icon_wink.gif I'm trying to have little to no expectations and try trying to take my time sifting through everything I have on my plate now. I still need to learn more patience and not to rush things smilies/icon_sweatdrop.gif

Love & Peace smilies/icon_heart.gif

Ryo

Mood: Good! smilies/icon_smile.gif
Music: "Skyscraper" - Demi Lovato from Unbroken


Ryonosuke
Community Member
  • 12/21/14 to 12/14/14 (1)
  • 12/14/14 to 12/07/14 (2)
  • 11/30/14 to 11/23/14 (1)
  • 11/23/14 to 11/16/14 (2)
  • 11/16/14 to 11/09/14 (1)
  • 11/09/14 to 11/02/14 (1)
  • 11/02/14 to 10/26/14 (2)
  • 10/26/14 to 10/19/14 (2)
  • 10/12/14 to 10/05/14 (2)
  • 10/05/14 to 09/28/14 (2)



  •  
     
    Manage Your Items
    Other Stuff
    Get GCash
    Offers
    Get Items
    More Items
    Where Everyone Hangs Out
    Other Community Areas
    Virtual Spaces
    Fun Stuff
    Gaia's Games