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******** titles.
Subscribe to me because I'm vain.
So.... idk....what's new?? Only a few things have changed with me.... Like the fact that Christine (my neighbor well lives behind me neighbor) likes me. Oh I showed Nikki my stuff... I told her I would give yes or no answers to her questions (very hard to do actually) I think I might even be growing fond of her. Very unlikely I'll do anything about it. I really don't think I can take another shot to the heart? I'm thinking of a song, but the lyrics just aren't coming to mind. Well damn. I've been forgetting things too, but I have also been remembering some things. Though the things I have been remembering I wish I didn't. I feel the worse is happening I've forgotten how to feel, and my heart may not heal. Well I am just being kind of over dramatic. It does help though. A little bit. Well wanna know something funny? Well something I find funny anyway. I always end up breaking my headphones, but this past week I've been trying to break them on purpose. Only problem is they are just not breaking!! It's actually making me happy! Slightly because after a while everything starts flooding unfortunately. I am not broken I am torn apart. Again sorry for the over dramatic. I don't know who I am apologizing to, the future me maybe. How I wish I had tons of friends. Then again I don't think I'm a rather "good" friend. I wouldn't say a "bad" one though. Well Orlando is sleeping, and I'm awake with his dog. Go figure. Panic! At The Disco is playing. Their music however nice still hurts a bit. Like a lot of things these days. I've figured a new way for me to cheer up. I don't like it however. I've started cutting myself. Of course in places people wont see. There are enough problems with me without people finding this one out. Of course though Nikki knows. She asks too many damn questions. In a way though I kinda like it. Go figure. Stop there and let me correct it I wanna live a life from a New Perspective. Well I don't really know what to say about it. I keep getting this feeling I have no name for. Nor does the English Dictionary. I have looked up several lists on human emotions and I simply cannot find one that I feel....explains how I have been feelings. It makes me really angry. On top of everything else. Sometimes I wish I could stop bottling. Though for some reason cutting myself gets rid of the feeling and the pain kinda gets rid of some of the anger. I was already self-destructive but jaysus!!!! ha..ha...again dark humor.. That and corny things always get me....I apparently worry Nikki a great deal or so her face makes it seem. I hate making people worry. She should get used to all of it. She seemed greatly disturbed when I told her I cut the inside of my thigh. If you don't know about the human body there are a lot of veins inside the thigh too deep a cut and I would have bleed out and died. Not that I was very worried about those facts. I need a hug. That warm feeling flesh gives off is kind of addicting.... Clouds are marching along singing a song just like they do if the clouds were singing a song I'd sing along.....Ohhh shuffle how you pain me so. Yet without the music the incoherent noises would come flooding it. How I dislike how crazy I am. I know it's mad but if I go to hell would you come with me or just leave. I know it's mad but if the world were ending would you kiss me or just leave... I watched some Marshall Lee and Fionna stuff on Youtube. Deleted scenes songs and fanmade episodes. It was good stuff I wanna download the music. I just forgot to bring a usb and Orlando didn't have one. Unfortunately.... I'm becoming less defined as days go by fading away and well you might say I'm losing focus really drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself. Sometimes I think I can see right through myself. Less concerned about fitting into the world your world that is. Cause it doesn't really matter anymore no it doesn't really matter anymore none of it. Yes I'm alone then again I always was as far back as I can tell I think maybe it's because you were never really real to begin with I just made you up to hurt myself and it worked... YES IT DID!!!!......I've been staring at this screen for about two songs now. Suicide Silence- Bludgeoned to Death and Weezer- Memories.....one more song Paramore- All I wanted.... I am in pain world and sometimes I want to die yet I keep surviving all these death scenarios. Even so I feel like I b***h too much. Maybe I do or maybe I have the right. Who really knows. I don't.... All I wanted was you.. dun dun dun.. All I wanted was you.. WUb WUB WUB... lol... two more songs Dead Kennedys- California Uber Alles, The Used- Bird and the Worm.... now its Coheed and Cambria- Welcome Home... I don't have much to say, but I know when I stop typing I'm going to start feeling that feeling again. I feel kinda lonely right now too. Oh one of these days...pow right in the kisser.... ******** UP ALL I DO..............idk.........I really don't.....I'm runnning out of things to say to myself.... I can't lie and say it'll get better.....Though I don't wanna start hoping for things again....one last kiss for you one more wish to you please make up your mind girl before I hope you die.....*guitar solos*.....




Well can't go on pretending like something great will just come to my mind because unfortunately it wont...


smilies/icon_sweatdrop.gif smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif



Well SHITE.....


This is what alcohol and drugs was made for....but I am plagued with being at Orlando's......damn....forget it I guess....Good morning....





 
 
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