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London's Journal
Ohgod. It's just some s**t again.
I make another one too. smilies/icon_wink.gif.

It's not stupid. honestly, it made me kind of happy hearing that you want someone who loves you near you. ; u;. It's a sweet thought. Seriously. Bl;;;.. smilies/icon_wink.gif. Dlll;;.

Well, like you said and stuff. I don't really think that's stupid. It's obvious that I just reject the idea of love because I know I can never have it. I guess people just think I'm not lonely because I never act like it or anything. I like seeing other people happy though, so I guess I don't need it. Good luck with finding a SUPERMODEL. smilies/icon_wink.gif. xDDDDDD. Oh my god. I don't even know. I never really thought to be honest about myself actually being with a person in life. I kind of do act like I don't care.

OH. So I was watching The Avatar ( the anime thing ) with my older sister yesterday because she likes it a lot. Well, this on character on the show named Toph reminded me exactly of myself. xDDDD. Well, one she directly quoted something I said. she saidd UH.
"I don't need to be pretty because I'm not looking for anyone's approval in life" xDDDDD. I told my sister that at the mall one time. She's funny. OH. The character also dies alone. She's also manly and blind. AND SHORT. Bl;;.

JEHSUHS. xDDD. I don't know. I can never really be serious about this because I know that I want someone to love me; but I will never be able to make someone love me. I learned that the hard way. Some kid told me I had no self confidence. I DON'T JEEZ. xDDD.

Well, you don't have to read this even though I'm just putting this to think about it since you wrote about s**t.

If I were to love someone I'd want it to be someone I didn't have to impress. Someone that I didn't have to act like the rest of the moronic kids to win approval from, or talk or dress or look the same. I'd want to be able to drag them around and stuff and then we'd play SLENDERBONE. xDDDD. Like someone really funny and stupid like me who I can play with. ; u;llll. JESUS. NOT LIKE THAT YOU FCJUKICING PERVERT.

Oh my god.


But, yeah. We'd probably do stupid things and stuff, like go on the roof of my house and eat ice cream. Bl;;;. I don't know. And explore da canyon. o wo. Someone like that. They wouldn't have to be exactly like me, since no one is. It's part of the fun of learning to know someone, right? I think. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS STUFF. I just want someone there.

Now that I put this I just realize again how lonely I actually am. I guess I really really do want someone there. I knew this wasn't a good idea. xDDD;;;.

WE would do fun stuff and stuff though. I always imagine having someone with me in the springtime. ; u;lll. Like going in the canyon or somewhere. xDDDD. I love spring so much. I'd want to move somewhere with four seasons too. Well, mainly because in San Diego we only get one season. Summer. Hot, EXTREMELY hot dry summers, dry Springs, colder but not that cold snowless winters.

Oh my dejfjjra. I COUDLD<D TALK ABOUT THSI FOREVER. My sisters always gets upset at me when I try and go on talking about scenery and stuff. I love pretty things. Living in a beautiful place would make me happy. xD. I try to describe things. Bl. Well, I know I'll never find anyone like that who loves me back. That's why I try to forget about the feeling.

I didn't know how to put this beforehand, so I'll try to make it as simple as possible. I just never thought of myself to be on the same level of worth as another person.

I always thought I was a class lower than them. Well, I am.

I'm not worth anyone's time.

I guess I've gotten so used to not thinking of myself as not worthy of anyone I became used to it.

Yes, that's it.

Maybe it's because I'm ugly.

I really do loathe myself more than I thought.

I loathe myself mostly for wanting love.

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