There is this empty place inside of me. Inside of my life. Inside of my apartment. I stay really busy. I have a good life. But you don't know. "I haven't thought of you lately at all". So untrue. Every second. Every day. It's this knowledge that it will never be the same. I want to go back. I want it all back. What happened? Why is it like this? The irony is that I don't want to die. I don't want it to end even though the ending already came and went. I need her. I need those moments of absolute ******** freedom to be myself. Where have I gone? Who knows me anymore? I don't know me. Who is this person that goes through the motions without passion? I love hockey. I loved you. I can't do this. Except I am doing this every day. I am doing it without you and it just feels wrong. Not bad. We were bad. But right. How is it possible to hurt someone so much and still have it be right? She tells me every time we talk to say hi from her. I had a dream with him. I dream of him a lot. We were at a wedding and it was so awkward. He was okay with everything but I wasn't. Will he die too? Will I never say goodbye? Probably because of my stupid pride and the need to run. Where is my goddamn salvation? Where is my beautiful motorcycle? If I were to ever die... There was that horrible last concert and then nothing. Can you even remember? I keep remembering over and over. This is so wrong and I am trapped. I miss him. I even like his girlfriend. And that for me is something. I could make it work but he doesn't need me. I just need a movie here and there. I need to invoke the family name. "Bjorn Guitar Jensen". I like to think I knew what it was all about but somehow I don't think I can ever run far enough. I have gone far enough. But how do I stay when everything inside of me is calling me back? Simple. Keep it simple. Breathe, sleep, breathe some more. Stop breathing. Then it's over.
· Mon Jan 21, 2013 @ 02:56am · 0 Comments