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Me and what I love
Mostly poetry probably.. Maybe toss in bits and peices of Me.
Dear Dad:

I was never one to say I had an idol.. Or someone I modeled myself after.. But if I ever admired anyone.. It was always you...
I just wish you had met my child-imagined expectations... I wish I had been good enough for you...

I never once called you my step-dad... Cause that's not what you've ever been to me... Just like your family has always been my family in my eyes...
But you've told me you didn't want me. You've told me I'm not your daughter...
That was probably the most painful thing I've ever heard... cause even when I didnt consider mom my mom.. I considered you my dad.. Even when I didn't want her in my life.. I wanted there to be a way for you to stay in mine...
I don't know if our relationship can be fixed...
I don't know if you still look at me as a freak.. and you won't talk to me just because I cut my hair... So I don't know if I even want to fix things...

I know you always wanted a boy... And as soon as you got him things between us got harder and harder... Not that I'd ever blame Caleb, because I don't... But I wish I'd been a boy... Just so you wouldn't have needed that.... Just so that having Caleb hadn't changed our relationship..
i know you think I wasn't a good enough role model for Cindy and Carrie... but I'll always know I taught them to be themselves... I'll always know I taught them to fight back and stand up for themselves.. And I'll know that I at least tried to teach them to have an open mind...
I miss you dad.. I miss the dad I had a few years ago.. before relationships mattered to me.. Before Caleb came along... I want him back...
~Courtney





 
 
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