The aftermath is secondary
He says he trusts me again. Yet he asks me: If I died, would you go back to him? And he talks about the beginning--when he was testing me, when he said he knew that ANY girl couldn't let go of her first love that easily. I didn't. I've been trying so hard to tell him the truth now, to wash away all the lies and start off with a clean slate. It's weird how he can read me so well. At least, he reads me the same way my parents did. At least he doesn't worship the ground I walk on. At least he doesn't say I could do no wrong, that I'm a perfect angel. He knows I'm not. Alex, well, I showed him what I was capable of and he doesn't think I'm so innocent anymore. He's sick of me. Told me to ******** off, if Cole's telling the truth. So much for true love that was meant to be forever and always. I think about it and I'm afraid of going back to him. I can't even see it anymore. Like I keep saying, Alex would be the last person on earth if Cole left me or if he died. I've got others. Others that I don't talk about. And I could GET others. All I have to do is bat my pretty long eyelashes over my pretty blue eyes and I can get anyone. Anything. Not that I want to be like that, but if that's who I am, then what choice do I have? I don't really deserve to be trusted...