I'm scared I'm going to lose him.. I'm scared I'm going to do something wrong, say something wrong.... or he's just going to lose interest in me.. or I'll become boring or too shy or..
i'm scared, because he's so amazing and I'm.. just not.
I want to be able to do all those things he can do: I want to be able to comfort him when he feels down, make him smile for no reason.. I want to be able to calm him when he's cranky or angry.. And right now I can't. I fail in doing these things, and I fail so terribly I'm surprised I have done something too wrong yet.
I'm trying my best to keep confidence, I'm trying my best not to be scared, to think that it'll go okay, that we can make it through everything.. and god am I going to try.. But I still find myself having nightmares, bad dreams about losing him, about him leaving.
He's literally my everything, if I lose him I don't know what'll happen to me... what I'll become and how I'll act. The thought of not being able to see his smile or hear his voice, or wake up every morning to talk to him makes my heart hurt so much. He's the only thing holding me up, the only reason I wake up and I'm able to smile. He's my life.. so if I lose him I don't think I'll be able to live and thinking about that all the time, because my brain is a b***h like that, breaks my heart.
I don't want to see him sad, or angry, or depressed. I want to do all those things for him that he does for me...
Utsu the Martyr