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Lucifer's Diary...
Spur-Of-The-Moment Stuff~
I am now Shizuo Heiwajima! smilies/icon_biggrin.gif I wanted something I could easily change to, without spending all my money. And since I've cosplayed Shizuo on Gaia before, I knew what kind of stuff to look for. But, outside of Gaia, I may or may not cosplay Karkat Vantas. I'm obsessed with Kar. Like, seriously. I'm easily irritated like he is, and I swear a lot. xD Though it may not show on Gaia, it definitely does in real life.
But goddamn, I'm really freaking cold.
I once thought about typing every status on Facebook in Kar's type quirk for a few days. But I never have yet. But I'm going to be honest.
I've never read even a bit of Homestuck. Webcomics aren't my thing, so I find out everything from the fandon that does enjoy reading it.
Aside from the not-real world, I've been pretty decent, attitude-wise, these past couple days. Like, I haven't been getting depressed ad often, though I still do. I saw my counselor again yesterday though, and I don't like her anymore. My friend that moved to New York? Yes, I liked him, and still do. But he'd only ever considered me as family. Which, I can live with, but it's not the best place I'd like to be to him. But that's not the point. I showed my counselor a picture of him. Not only did she say he seemed very attractive, but she asked if I've had any sexual relationships with him... I told her no almost six times, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe me. So, I don't want to see someone who can't accept the truth. It's creepy. I'm only 14, and he turns 17 tomorrow. Though I do like him, I'm used to things the way they are.
I swear, my counselor asked me every single damn question I didn't want to answer. She asked if I've ever had homicide thoughts. Yes, I honestly have, though I'm not stupid enough to kill anyone. She asked if I've had suicidal thoughts. Yes, I have. But I can't kill myself yet. As much as I can't believe it, apparently people need me. Sure, I'm sounding really depressed, but I'm just speaking my mind. I can't believe anything anyone says along the lines of "I need you." or "You mean a lot to me." or even "I love you." Growing up as a kid, I never heard that. My mom never said any of that to me, my grandmother never did, nobody ever did. Now in middle school, when everyone decides to be emotional about everything, I still don't really hear it, but everyone else does. I know for a fact that I'm left out a lot.
Another confessions of mine is that I cry on a daily/weekly basis. And not like, that baby cry that's not one or two tears. I'm talking about, I almost make tissues damp. There's this ring I wear, and my best friend has one exactly like it. I almost can't stand to wear it, but I promised him I'd never take it off, just as he did for me. I had a really deep conversation with him via Facebook the other day. It was... Deep. About feelings and sh*t.
In case it's hard to tell, I'm just fitting everything in one entry. Makes it easier. I'm leaving the page up, and when I think of something, I write it down.
It's 2:27 a.m. where I live, and I feel like bawling my eyes out. One song that could describe how I feel right now is "Until The Day I Die"





 
 
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