wow that was random.
I guess even though I am trying not
to think about it, there is still that voice that is saying
this is just a break, and you will get to say I love you again soon...
:[
I don't know how to be single... I don't know how to talk about Roux with
out getting gaga over him and then because I get gaga my heart rips
out and I have to try and speed what I say so the topic of him can be
over so I don't start crying.
No matter what it was. I kept thinking. "Oh I can't wait to tell Roux"
or "Oh I wish Roux were here!" And then stopping myself and
saying "stop. No. Just stop..."
Can every topic and thing I see, and people I talk to just... like stop
making me think of him. It makes me miss him... and then it hurts.
I just didn't realize he was in my every day thoughts. When I am
doing absolutely anything. And when I am doing nothing. How do you turn that
off?.... How do you just stop living? I didn't realize I was living him.
breathing him in each day and seeing him in all the things
I did and saw and felt each day.
Damn now I am crying again...
Today was so much fun but I still wished he was there.
and when I was asked what happened with is since lots of
them I know from FB. I had to think about him. And I could feel
all these lovely words come out and I even though people were more
happy that we are still friends and everything I think they could see
the part of me that was obviously distressed about how I was supposed to feel.
I talk in a tone that it's not real, as I say what is real. "Oh we're broken,
but it's cool, we're still best friends~ You don't love someone that long
and not stay as friends right? Besides we could end back together? haha. And no
matter what I am not waiting. I did that before and it messed me all up
so yea~ but we could still end up if we still love each other later. I am just living right now haha. So it's cool"
I think it just came off awkward since
it sounded like I was both blowing off the situation like it's just life and
than acting really really sad about it DX
wau~ N now I am okay.
My mind is all flip floppy about how I feel DX
Damn it common heart!
====================
Haha was just Msg Takuya a ton on Fb on his wall
But then I got sleepy so I just gave him my number which he said
he was happy bout since he was just sitting down to watch Batman. XD
But he was so nice as soon as I said I was sleepy
he asked if I wanted him to let me rest and he even wished me a goodnight and
rest well XD
I am happy with today I made at least 2 close friends today :"D
that just makes me really really happy. And they're closer in age.
22 and 19 :"D Yay adult friends. XD It was funny though cuz we thought Takuya
was like 23-28 XD and he's freakin 19 XD haha.
Lol and Jaidin said he was pretty in Highschool but looking though his FB XD
He actually was. he is like REALLY thin because
he just doesn't have much body fat. he is lean. and he used to be a total scene
kid XD haha. I was saying how much he would have made lots of friends
if he had gone to cupertino. And when he added my on FB I saw he knows... Andrew Sefton. lol what? XD Hhaha
I am so freakin sleepy right now D:
Why I do I keep typing when I am this tired.
Its just babbling and rambling DX
goodnight lol.
nd journal.
PrincessBamf Community Member 
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