spaceIt has been awhile since I've written in here. I don't know whether or not the past few years since have been for better or worse, however what I do know is that composing my thoughts into something that others could read if they so choose to do; that I believe is something that I miss doing.
spaceAt this very moment of time, I feel a sadness from within. It is of the feeling you get when you imagine what it would feel like if your heart had been sucker punched. My plans for the future feel like I can make happen, yet the things I do to go forth to make those dreams come to fruition- those attempts I can see that my outcomes have only fallen short.
spaceYou get what you get, and you keep what you can, and you learn from your mistakes. These things though it feel like it is only digging myself deeper into the cataclysm to which I will find myself being cremated and stuck and lay to rest in. Call my hopes and dreams a romantic hyperbole, to which to live in serenity and without suffering from the stress of owing my life to something that I cannot gain from; but this is what I want, and I'm sure others could relate from.
spacePure happiness to me is being able to stand on top of the world, to look up at the sky and to think. To prosper from a rejuvenating thought, to better understand why I am alive, to be free from the tangles and chains that keep me tied down to the earth. To lift off and reach from a cruising pace to a speed that surpasses my definition of infinity. To leave and never have to worry about looking back, to know that with certainty that what I left behind in my past is something that I can assure that was well worth.
spaceI am sure that I can say some of this is possible to grasp, but my humanity is my blessing and my curse. The blood, sweat, and tears that water the gardens to put the meals upon the tables of my loved ones; those hardships I have the experience to say that I have fought my troubles. But it feels like there is more that can be done.
spaceI see my mind changing course as I further investigate into the feelings that flows through my interest. I see a microcosm of the world; a simple gesture of life that tells the whole story. I see the mild ambiguities which makes such life unique, yet it is upon this smirk that I can understand that upon the physical challenges that places the fear of living in that bit of life, there are also the internal matters that fills the such deal of living that can implode into a suicidal situation.
spaceNothing that is of life can live without the difference of knowing what is death. Until you know what is of worth the struggle of life, to avoid death, you can better understand where you want to make your decisions of wanting to progress into a better self.