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thoughts, venting, occational poem.
depending on my sobriety my writing can be entertaining, dark, mentally disturbing and depressing. but it is always the truth. at least through my eyes.
Puzzles, Riddles, Codes, its a mystery that life puts in front of you that you can solve. Maybe not in that moment and it may take years or even a lifetime but there is an answer to them. question is are you the type to solve them or leave them for the ones who want to solve them.

I can plan three steps ahead, my mind races two-three times faster than normal thoughts and it causes insomnia and even gives me nose bleeds at times. I am in no way a genius but i am a great puzzle solver. my pride assures the fact of my solving them because i refuse to give up on even the hardest questions.

My alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and self destruction is rooted there. the drugs, alcohol is not only a way of punishment but it slows my mind, makes me forget about the past and it even for a moment takes the pain away in my body that is riddled with rot, disease and filth.

from the moment i wake in the morning to the time i close my eyes and manage to fall asleep thoughts race through my mind. there are people who think im mentally deficient because in the middle of the day i can space out for hours lost in my own thoughts and drowning in the abyss of my mind.

i wish i could be rid of this thought process, photographic memory, prideful nature, stubbornness, self destruction and all the other flaws that make me who i am. i wish i could change and become a normal, stupid human being that could go around in life carefree and happy.

Im going to lay down. writing in these journals help me sleep at night and as i look back on my thoughts of previous nights i realize more and more about myself and piece the rubble back together to reveal the pieces of a man who lays dead in the dark abyss. I hope to those who read these they do not judge me for i may be transparent but at least i can say i dont hide things. i tell them how they are.

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